LDR

Am I really going to be this upset every time Dustin leaves College Station after spending the weekend here with me? I just want to cry, I am so sad. For the first five minutes after he had left, I laid in my bed, right next to the window, waiting to see if maybe he had forgotten something and was making his way up the stairs back to me. He never did. He is well on his way home to Dallas now while I am still here feeling all sorts of down.

It wouldn't be so bad except I know that I won't be seeing him next weekend and will instead have to go nearly two weeks without seeing him... Sad daisy. Yes, there are couples who go longer, much longer, without seeing each other, but this is all new to me so being this upset is completely reasonable, right?

I better get busy. First day of classes tomorrow. The beginning of my ridiculously busy schedule. I need to make sure I am as close to one-hundred percent ready as I can be.

howdy hey

It must be required for a person to be friendly in order to be accepted into vet school. Everyone has been so kind and chatty these past couple days. I am trying my best to learn names and not have to rely on the name tags that we are expected to wear (always!), but there are just so many students, so many faces. I look forward to really start to get to know my classmates and to start sharing this crazy experience with them. It's gonna be a good one.

Throughout orientation, different organizations and companies have been providing our breakfasts and lunches. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to enjoy them much. Yesterday's breakfast consisted of chicken sandwiches from Chick-Fil-A and today's consisted of breakfast tacos from Taco Cabana. I'm a vegetarian who doesn't eat eggs. Dang.

Lunch today was from Pei-Wei so I chowed down on some noodles and veggies. Although I don't believe in fortunes or horoscopes or such things, I thought it was funny that my fortune said that now is a good time for me to make new friends. I already knew that, though! Duh.

On with the remainder of my afternoon! Last day of orientation tomorrow, finally. :)

Trouble already.

Today was going well. I woke up early to catch the seven o'clock bus, which took me to campus. From there, I grabbed another bus at 7:25 to take me to the vet school. I was at the vet school by 7:35. Very good. So regardless of traffic, regardless of weather, and regardless of that blasted train that passes right through the middle of College Station, I should have little to no problem making it to my eight o'clock class Tuesday through Thursday. Riding my bicycle would be twenty minutes faster, but with this heat, the ride is not very pleasant and I will arrive at school drenched in sweat. I don't mind getting sweaty, mind you, but when our appearance is expected to be professional... Well, I just can't have it. Once the weather cools down, I'll definitely be biking.

Anyhow, yes, today started off well. I was pleased with the buses and later on, I took another trip on them to have my picture taken for school. After I got home from that, I decided to relax a little and made myself a nice, big avocado sandwich with lettuce and mustard. Unfortunately, it was too big. When I opened my mouth to take my first bite, I opened too wide and my jaw popped. I tried to pop it back into place, but couldn't. It hurt, like a headache on the side of my face. I was still unbelievably hungry, though, and my beautiful sandwich was still sitting on the counter. I took a couple of bites, chewed, and started crying. The pain was absolutely excruciating.The only time I have felt pain worse than that was when I had two of my molars crushed and pulled out.

 After discussions about my unfortunate accident with my parents and my Dustin, I decided to ride my bike down the street to HEB for ibuprofen and soft foods. Thank goodness they actually had vegan yogurt! For dinner I had mashed potatoes and wheat bread. The only way I was able to eat the bread was by tearing off pieces of it, putting them in my mouth, letting them soak down, and then "chewing" them with my tongue. Not fun, but at least I ate. The pain isn't as bad now, and hopefully will be even less noticeable tomorrow. Depending on how it feels, I just might have to go to the campus health center. Fun fun.

All this the day before Orientation. [sigh] I must stay positive and hope that tomorrow, my jaw won't hurt too much for me to smile. Fingers are crossed, hopes are high. Good night.

Back in Aggieland

The weeks leading to my move were too hectic for me to find the time or the right state of mind to blog. My birthday passed, my going-away party was thrown, I had good times with my Dallas friends and buddies,  and I spent quality time with my family and Dustin. The days since my last post flew, just as I had expected them to.

In all the madness, my beloved boy, Canelo Dog, got a urinary tract infection. It started off with him vomiting his dinner on Wednesday night, which I initially blew off (he usually does that when he eats too fast). Then I realized that he would not stop heaving. Sure enough, two hours later, more vomiting and a lot of restlessness. At three in the morning, he threw up for the third time, yellow bile so I knew his stomach was empty. The following day, he was fasted, I syringe-fed him Pedialyte, and injected him with subcutaneous fluids. No more vomiting. At that point, I thought maybe the issue was anxiety. Our room at the time was an utter mess, with boxes covering the floor, stacked on each other, crowding us into discomfort. By Friday, however, I had noticed blood in his urine, and ruled out mere anxiety as the cause for his sickness. He had an infection and needed antibiotics. Thankfully, my best friend Cent works for the Humane Society and GAVE us the meds needed. Awesome awesome awesome.

The trip here wasn't easy for my babies, all five of us crowded into the back seat of my Dad's pickup, while Dad and Dustin rode up front. Smartie pooped in her kennel and got carsick. Miguel couldn't get comfortable and missed his nap. Cholula hated riding in the kennel, and Canelo just did not have enough space. Oh, but we made it! They're settling into our new place, Cholula being the most thrilled of them all. She is happy running from room to room to explore. My sweet princess.

[sigh] Mom had a rough time saying goodbye to me. I had a rough time saying goodbye to Dustin. Thank goodness for cell phones, eh? So the next four years of my life begin. On to FINALLY become a doctor, a doctor to the cutest patients on the planet. I'm ready! :)

I didn't know this photo existed.

Three things I love: laughing, dancing, Dustin. This picture involves them all. Greatness!

A home away from home.

The trip to College Station over the weekend was very successful. I now have a place to move into next month, which takes an enormous weight off my shoulders. I still have much to stress about, mind you, but having my housing situation taken care of is huge.

I am very happy and pleased with the apartment I will be moving into. A short walk across the street from my place is a nice little park for Canelo Dog and me to frequent. The apartment grounds themselves have an abundance of green space for me to walk him and plenty of those baggie-dispensers for cleaning up after dogs (that's how you know an apartment complex is pet-friendly). There are also two swimming pools, two jacuzzis, two lighted basketball courts, two lighted tennis courts, a sand volleyball court, a twenty-four hour fitness center, gazebo-covered grills spotted across the grounds, and on-site laundry facilities. Flippin' perfect. Water, gas, cable, and high-speed internet are included in my rent, which is very nice because it means less bills for me to pay. The bus route includes three stops along the complex and, best of all... HUGE WALK-IN CLOSETS. I am so thrilled, although I do admit that I have way too much clothes!

Dustin made the trip to College Station with me, which meant more to me than I can ever tell. I need his opinion when it comes to making a huge decision like where I will be living for at least the next year if not the next four. It's comforting to have his approval, it makes me feel more secure about the choice I have made. It was also nice to show him where I'll be living, where I'll be when I am away from him, where I'll be when I tell him that I miss him. My brother mentioned that he will be driving to College Station and spending the weekend there anytime there is a home football game. I asked Dustin if he'd maybe want to ride with my brother so that he can visit me as well and not have to worry about dealing with the drive himself. I think he's up for the idea! Depending on his Longhorns' football schedule, I may skip out on going to the A&M games myself and instead join him in watching the Horns, which is absolutely fine with me as long as I spend time with my man. It may seem ridiculous for me to forgo watching my Aggies, but I have lived in Dallas the past five football seasons. Rarely was a game televised. I am quite accustomed to not being able to watch them! Dustin on the other hand? No way he can miss a game, so UT Football it is!

As for my previous post? Long ago, I dedided to stop being a pessimist. I need to let go of that fear and enjoy all that is good and great and wonderful about our relationship. I love Dustin so much and should not allow our time together to be spoiled by my feelings of doubt and insecurity. He loves me too. He wouldn't have made that trip to College Station with me if he didn't. Nor would he have taken me to see the new Harry Potter movie (real talk!). I say this all the time when it comes to Dustin: I'm such a lucky gal.

I'm down.

In just one night, my future has become a projection of uncertainty. I want to be optimistic and hope for a happy ending, but I can't shake feeling that I'm in for hurt and heartbreak and there is nothing I can do to stop it. That's the thing about being in love: your happiness is not dependent on you. It lies in the hands of another person. You can't make that person happy so that person leaves taking your own happiness with him. Nobody wins. I'm very sad right now. He keeps asking if I'm okay, but I'm only as okay as I can be. Today, we're going to College Station to take care of my housing situation. Up until last night, the plan was for me to move to College Station, finish school, move back to Dallas, and spend the rest of my life with Dustin. The seed of doubt has been planted, though, and I don't know what's in store for us as a couple. I'm trying to find at least some comfort in the fact I'm about to start making my way towards becoming a doctor and that he is very supportive of that, but it's not really working. I'll have to take it day by day, I guess. Sucks.

Le sigh.

With only four weeks to go, the anxiety has finally hit. So much so that I dream about it when I should be resting my mind. So much so that I woke up crying about it this morning. There is just tons to do. It would help if I could talk to the people I love about it, but I feel that they don't want to acknowledge that I'm leaving and thus, won't partake in such a conversation. Every time I bring it up, they either get quiet or answer me with short responses so I end up changing the subject. It sucks. I want some support and feedback. Really the only person I've been able to talk to as of lately is my brother. No one is more excited about the move than he is. Not even me.

I better get ready for work.

Currently

Just a few items:

• I know I'm a nerd when I get overly excited about joining a student club called "The Texas A&M University Student Chapter of the American College of Veterinary Internal Medicine." Like, seriously. I went through photographs of their meetings and activities... Oh, the technology that we get to use! I can not wait! I also plan to join the Zoo, Exotics, and Wildlife club, mostly because ferrets, guinea pigs, and birds fall under this group. Other than that, I do not know. Green Vets, Sheltering Vets, or the club pertaining to animal behavior.

• When filling out the immense amount of paperwork that I must complete (as of lately, it has been paperwork regarding housing and financial aid), I immediately and by instinct begin to list family members as references/emergency contacts. Then I remember that I have a wonderful man who wants to spend the rest of his life with me and who really ought to be one of the main contacts. I am so, so lucky. I love my Dustin.

• I can't help but wonder what my critters will think about the move. Smartie and Miguel, I'm sure, will think nothing of it. Actually, I think they will prefer to live in an apartment with me as the only human inhabitant, no other person to tell them what to do. Just me, the girl who lets them climb on anything, sleep on anything, scratch anything... They are going to love it! Cholula Belle will be thrilled as well. As my little explorer, I am sure she is going to have a tremendously wonderful time getting to know the new place and squeezing her butt into new locales. Canelo Dog is the one I worry about. He has his routine here in Dallas. He knows how to tell when I'm home, he knows to stay in my bedroom unless spoken to, he knows to go directly into my bedroom after our walks and await his treat, he knows where to turn when we go on our walks. [sigh] I like to think that as long as he is with me, he will be happy. My sweet old dog.

I better get on with my day. It's past three already. Blah!

July is here and I am here.

Summer has not gotten any better. The entire month of June, I was overwhelmed with boredom and monotony, especially on my days off. I am looking forward to this month being better, much better, than the last, but geeze, I really shouldn't get my hopes and expectations up. Instead, I should simply allow things to happen on their own. I do have quite a few weekend days off from work this month, however, which should help. We'll see. Even with the monotony, I shouldn't complain. I shouldn't wish for changes because oooo-weee, changes are coming and they are coming soon!

I feel the need to mention that I hate being told what to do. By anyone and everyone. Even the smallest commands like being told to text so-and-so can irritate all sweetness out of me. Ask this person that, tell that person this, do this, go there... Blarf. I think this is why I am looking forward to living all by my lonesome self so badly. Sans roomates. I hope I'm ready for it because my time in Dallas is winding down quickly. I am anxious to feel anxious. For now, I am still calm. Just wait, though. When it hits me, it's gonna knock the shit out of me and will be be a wretched mess. Oh joy, what fun I have awaiting me!