My effort to remain positive and happy even though this is my least favorite part of the year continues. I have decided to challenge myself to be more creative with a new challenge each month. My inspiration for November/December was the fact that the holiday season is upon us.
Now, you would think that I would challenge myself to give gifts that I myself made. Uh, not happening. Who even keeps that sort of stuff? And the point is to make the season more enjoyable. Making gifts will only add to my stress. Can you even imagine the cleanup that would be involved? Do you know how many people are on my list? There is no way.
This is how the holiday season inspired me: I love clothes. I constantly shop sales online and spend hours are thrift stores, perusing through my options and spending my money as wisely as I can. Although I only buy things on the cheap and absolutely never splurge on anything extravagant, it is still money spent.
I therefore decided to stop shopping for myself until I do this: wear EVERYTHING in my closet (as long as it is weather appropriate) at least once before buying another clothing item (jewelry, accessories, and shoes are excluded). This will take at least a month or two, especially since most days my outfits consist of scrubs and workout gear. It's the perfect challenge for this time because not spending money on myself means having it available to spend on gifts. Am I brilliant or what?
And nothing like a cold front to kick this challenge into motion! I spent Wednesday sorting through clothes to get jackets and sweaters out and put away shorts and tanks. What an ordeal.
Too.. much.. clothes!
I also separated the clothes that I no longer wear and prepared it to be donated to the Texas Regional Animal Rescue's thrift store. Hopefully, they can make some money off it. Some of it was stuff that I refuse to wear now because of my aspirations to transition to a completely vegan lifestyle.
50% wool is a 100% no-no. Buh-bye.
Although it took a couple hours, I finished and was quite happy with the end result. Everything is nicely organized and ready to be worn so that I can complete my challenge and eventually shop again!
I will continue to wear florals in wintertime!
So the challenge is on! I am confident I can do this, especially since I will have the help of a Pinterest board that I created featuring items similar to ones I already own. I am excited about the money I will be saving and how creative I will have to get to complete this. And I must say that I am happy that I am doing this now because with spells of cold weather, I can layer some items and cross them off the list all at once!
Well, October flew on by, just as I had expected it to. I am trying to think back and remember what I did throughout the month that made it pass so quickly. Thankfully, I over-document things through photographs on Instagram. My memory can easily be refreshed.
Highlights from October:
Early in the month, I celebrated Canelo Dog's 13th birthday. I truly wish I had started doing this years ago, taking a photo with him each birthday. Oh well.
I am such a proud doggie mom!
Midway through the month, I had some adventurous times at The State Fair with Dustin and at Strangling Brothers Haunted House with my best friends. No October is complete without Big Tex and scares!
Big Tex is a total phoenix.
Riding all alone and loving the adrenaline!
Fun fun fun!
Heather was obviously thrilled!
Towards the end of the month, Dustin, Justin, and I went to see Tim Kasher perform an intimate solo show at Three Links in Deep Ellum. I fell in love with that guy. The way he sang and the way he spoke to us. Also, the silliness that ensued after the crowd had bought him a few drinks! He sang Recluse and Album of the Year, which made me so damn happy! After the show, I was determined to meet him and have my picture taken with him. Boom.
Goofiest smile ever and all up on him like a fangirl!
Finally, Halloweenie. Halloween at work was fun! Some coworkers brought candy and cupcakes to share with the staff. I couldn't eat any of it because it wasn't vegan, but I still thought that it was a nice gesture. Someone also brought a huge, HUGE skeleton and placed it in the shower in one of the bathrooms. By the end of the day, it was wearing a shower cap and holding a loofah in one if its bony hands. So funny!
Well, pardon me.
We also pranked one of my coworkers! Sabrina was the mastermind of it all. She came to the back and mentioned how fun it would be to jump out of a cabinet to scare someone. She decided that Laura would be the best person to scare because she has a great sense of humor and would probably just laugh it off.
At first, we thought about hiding in a cabinet in the operating room, but couldn't think of a legitimate reason for having Laura go in there. Then we thought it would be funny for someone to hide in a body bag and suddenly start moving. Jocelyn volunteered to be "the body". I volunteered to be the person to bring Laura to the back. All I had to do was tell her that I needed to show her where I placed a lab sample for Fed Ex to pick up. Worked like a charm! Everyone in the hospital was watching and cracking up! One of the doctors even hid in a mop closet so that he could watch her reaction. Of course, Laura was a good sport about it all! She even requested a copy of the video that Kerrie took. Ha!
Here's the link to the video, which Kerrie posted on her Facebook page: Halloween Prank
When my shift was finally over, I rushed home, tore open the bags of (vegan) candy I had purchased, painted my face and greeted trick-or-treaters. The things kids do for candy! It was obvious that some of the smaller ones were afraid of me, but they marched right up to me, winced, and held their bags out for their treats. It was all so cute and fun! I ended the night by watching The Nightmare Before Christmas with my nephew and cousin. All in all, a very good Halloween and end to October!
My Halloween make-up. 5-minute job.
November has already started off with a bang. Frank Turner's show at the Granada, a Walk for Farm Animals through downtown Dallas with fellow vegans, and Young the Giant's show at Three Links (which just so happens to be winning me over as my favorite local music venue) last night.
I hope more adventures are headed my way. I hope I can stay happy and positive even though this weather and lack of sunshine totally blows. We shall see.
I think I will spend the rest of my day off all cozied up reading. Then I will run. Then I will consider going to Cults' show at Trees tonight.
I'm home alone on a Friday night with absolutely no intention of going out or doing anything. Really, I wish I could just go to bed, but since I took a nap this afternoon, it may be a while before I actually do so. I might take a sleep aid if I'm not snoozing by midnight, though.
I can't do anything because I'm on-call for emergency surgeries. I have a clean pair of scrubs sitting on my record player, ready for me to change into in case I am needed. Of course, although the money is good, I'd rather stay home bored than have to go to work. It's not that I do not love my job, but having to go to work would mean that there is an animal in a painful situation.
Before sitting down to write this, I watched the latest episode of Glee, the one where they pay tribute to Cory Monteith via his character, Finn Hudson. Goodness, I cried almost the entire time.
How do I explain what that show and his character have meant to me? This already sounds cheesy.
I will just have to take you back to the beginning. Here goes...
The show premiered in June 2009. Fox only aired the pilot episode, but it received great reviews, and there was a lot of buzz about it. The full season finally started airing in the fall and was well worth the wait. I was absolutely hooked.
I think that 2009 was also the year that Facebook really took off. I know for a fact that I started using it more than I had in the previous five years, mainly due to the excitement of being able to upload photos straight from my phone. What an innovation!
I mention Facebook and this entire time frame because it all leads to my relationship with Dustin. Fall of 2009 was when he caught my attention, via Facebook. I believe he started posting more often and the vast majority of things he shared led to me crushing on him. Posts about music, sports, reading, and his liberal opinions. He seemed like the perfect guy! It didn't hurt that he was also a total cutie-pie!
Then, seemingly out of nowhere, he posted that he decided to watch an episode of Glee. At that point, the season was already several episodes in, so he downloaded the ones he had missed. He loved the show. Dammit. As if I didn't already like the guy enough! Now he was a fan of my favorite television show and what (straight) guy would openly admit loving such a show? The answer: an awesome one.
Unfortunately, Dustin had a girlfriend. As with most of the crushes I have had throughout my life, I figured this wouldn't lead to a thing even though I really REALLY liked him.
We ended up exchanging comments here and there on Facebook and eventually, exchanged numbers (yikes!) as well. I figured we could be friends. Maybe I would get to know him better and realize that he wasn't all that great. Or maybe we truly were a great match and he would realize that too!
He texted me all throughout the month of December. I have never given my number to a guy who actually used it and didn't make me wait for replies! Dustin immediately texted me and he did so every day. I kept falling for him. I was helpless.
On Christmas Eve, I was at my grandparents' with my family celebrating the holiday. Dustin texted me throughout the evening. I had my cousin/best bud Jonathan with me when I received each text. Of course, Jonathan knew how much I liked Dustin and how each message I received from him made me happier and happier.
At one point in the evening, either Dustin or I brought up Glee. He asked me which character I related to the most. I didn't have an answer. I asked Jonathan who he thought I was most like. He replied Brittany because of how goofy she was. I texted that reply to Dustin and he disagreed. He said I was too smart to be a Brittany. Aww, shucks!
Naturally, I then asked Dustin who he related to. His response: both Mr. Schuester and Finn. He wouldn't tell me why, though. He said he would tell me later. Weirdo. Why wouldn't he just explain?
This is a photo of Jonathan and me both confused by Dustin's response that night! Hahahaha We literally took this right after Dustin sent me his reply!
Uhhhh... What?!
Dustin and I ended up meeting the following day. Two days later, he posted this as his Facebook status:
Awwwww...
Two days after that, he and I became a couple (after he broke up with his previous girlfriend, of course).
He finally explained to me what he meant by saying that he felt like Mr. Schuester and Finn. He related to them because they were both in relationships, but were falling for other girls. Schuester was married, but falling for Emma. Finn was dating Quinn, but falling for Rachel. Dustin had a girlfriend, but was apparently falling for me. This all made for a very giddy daisy!
Dustin and I continued to watch the show and I always rooted for each couple because I saw my own relationship in theirs. As both the show and our relationship progressed, however, I saw more similarities with Finn and Rachel. Call it crazy, but whenever they seemed doomed as a couple, I worried about Dustin and myself, especially as we started having arguments and trust issues (we're good now, by the way!).
They loved each other so much, though. It was so cute. Finn was also very supportive of Rachel and put up with her insane ideas and over-the-top personality. Dustin always did the same for me. Our mellow men. Our mellow, handsome, supportive, loving men.
I wanted the show to end with Finn and Rachel destined to live happily ever after. I wanted them to finally get married! Now, that won't happen and it makes me sad. They were my favorite couple. They were Dustin and me. Dustin even told me that when he started falling for me, he would listen to Cory Monteith's Glee cover of I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore over and over again while driving his car.
I cried all throughout the tribute episode, but was absolutely distraught when Rachel finally made an appearance. Her song. And knowing that Cory Monteith was Lea Michele's own "Finn"? Ugh. So heartbreaking.
[sigh] If and when Glee returns, I'm not so sure that I will be able to watch it.
Bye, Cory Monteith. So talented. I will listen to your covers and miss you much. :(
I walk my sweet Canelo Dog at least twice a day. And I mean, I walk him. I do not simply take him outside, ask him to potty, and come right back in. We actually walk for 20-30 minutes each time.
When the weather is nice and I have time to spare, I take Canelo on even longer walks. Today is my day off, so I do have extra time on my hands. The temperatures have finally lowered and the sun isn't killer either. Canelo's birthday is tomorrow and it happens to be National Walk Your Dog Week. All the more reason for a long walk this morning.
When we go on long walks, Canelo and I pass a Senior Living community. More often than not, we cross paths with one if its residents, a gentleman who gets around on a motorized wheelchair while his little Shih Tzu strolls along his side. I believe he's a war veteran; he wears a navy blue cap with seals and the American flag patched onto it. His little dog is a firecracker who barks incessantly whenever he sees Canelo. The man quietly, but forcibly, tells him to behave. It's all very cute.
It warms my heart to know that this man has a companion and friend (the best kind). He is so devoted to his dog. He always hangs on tightly to that leash. He wheels out of the way if he sees that a big dog is passing by and might get too close to his little one. He talks to him, tells him to quiet down, instructs him on which way to go, and when it's necessary, asks him to jump back on his lap.
This morning, I expected to see them as I always do. As I rounded the corner leading to the Senior community and got closer to it, I spotted a gentleman in a wheelchair still relatively close to the residence building. Canelo and I continued to approach him and I soon realized that his chair had not moved. He simply had it parked in that corner of the paths. It became clear that he was not intending to move, so I had Canelo turn onto the grass in order to avoid walking too close to the gentleman, my fear being that his little dog would get all worked up.
There was no little dog.
My heart broke. I could not bear the thought of this man losing his beloved dog. I wondered what else this man has lost throughout the years. I wondered if that dog was all he had left. I wondered if that dog was his biggest source of happiness or maybe the only one. Thoughts of loneliness and heartache entered my mind. I thought about the pain I have felt when I have lost a pet and imagined that it must be so much worse for an elderly person. I realized that there was no point in him moving from that spot because he no longer had a dog that needed walking. It was all so heartbreaking.
I looked back thinking that I may not have been observant enough and that the dog may have actually been there. He was not.
There is one thing I should warn everyone about. If I am ever emotional, I will cry on the spot. It does not matter where I am, I have no shame. I do not care who sees me or what they will think of me. I simply cry. Of course, I cried this morning. With my own dog walking ahead of me, I cried for that man and his dog. Other people walked right by me, and I cried.
I don't know why I did it, but I looked back one more time. The man had not moved and was still parked in his corner. There was a second man in a wheelchair now, though. He had stopped to talk to the first man. Within seconds, the first man finally moved from his parked spot and made his way towards the residence building. The second man headed down the sidewalk towards me.
Lo, and behold! A spunky Shih tzu jumped out of his lap and onto the sidewalk! I had mistaken the first man for the second. The little dog is okay! He strutted right along the sidewalk, happy as can be, his dad wheeling right next to him. His tail wagged as he walked, just as it always does, and he looked around observing other people, the squirrels, the air.
I continued to cry. Happy tears. With all that is going on in this world, I felt that all is okay in the universe because this man still has his little dog. I cried for my own dog and for the fact that I am so damn lucky to be celebrating thirteen years with him. Life can be that simple. It can give you such trivial sources of extreme happiness that can completely change your mind frame for the better. You have to notice them, though. Acknowledge them and let them make you happy.
I hope everyone has a happy day. Walk your dogs, y'all.
Since my race one week ago, things have been nonstop for me, mainly because of work. When your shift starts at 8:00 am and does not end until 7:00 pm and your job is about thirty minutes away from home... Work takes up a lot of your time.
It helps that I get a break in my work week by having Wednesdays off. I cannot begin to explain how great this is! Unfortunately, I did not get such a break last week because I had to switch days with a coworker in order to have Friday off.
I needed Friday off in order to go to a conference in San Antonio. Jocelyn and I hit the road on Thursday night after we got off work. We didn't get to our hotel until 1:00 am and had to be up at about six in order to be ready and at the Convention Center by 7:30 am (for check-in, breakfast, and to find our way around). We are such girls. The only reason we woke up super-early was so that we could each shower, do our hair, and do our makeup!
We ended up walking to the Convention Center. Downtown San Antonio is a bit creepy in the morning before the sun rises. Fortunately, it was a short 15-minute walk. When we arrived at the Convention Center, we both checked in and quickly bought breakfast items to take into our lecture. We sat through four hours of lectures about our specialty, Neurology. My butt was hurting towards the end and those rooms were freezing. I was wearing a skirt and ballet flats, which made matters worse.
Finally, we had our lunch break. We each received lunch tickets with our registration and headed to the exhibit hall to eat. Of course, NOTHING on the menu was vegan. Even the vegetables appeared to be cooked in butter. So Jocelyn and I left and strolled down the River Walk to a nice little Mexican restaurant. I ordered vegetable enchiladas without cheese and made sure that my beans were not cooked with meat or lard. We sat at a table on the edge of the water and had little ducks come up to us the entire time we ate. They were precious!
After lunch, we returned to the Convention Center for more lectures before heading back to the hotel to change and get ready for dinner. We ate dinner at an Italian restaurant. I, of course, didn't eat any of the bread. My pasta was delicious, though! The sauce was made of tomatoes and there was basil, onions, and mushrooms. Delicious!
We spent the evening strolling around downtown and along the River Walk, being total tourists. We walked right by the Alamo, which was really small. I was a bit disappointed by it. After all the walking and the lack of sleep, we were both in bed by 10 pm. Old ladies. Hahaha
Saturday morning was brutal. I woke up late and missed my first lecture. I raced to get ready to make it to the second one. I decided that the best and easiest way to get there was to just walk along the River Walk so that's what I did. It was so hot and humid! Yikes! Thankfully, though, I made it to my lecture with time to spare so I went to buy fruit for breakfast.
When it was lunchtime, Jocelyn and I met up and walked to the mall. We ate Chinese from the food court. Once again, nobody minded me asking how the food was prepared and I was able to enjoy yet another vegan meal! I decided to go shopping because I realized that I did not pack any shorts and as hot and humid as it was in San Antonio (it felt like a swampy jungle out there!), all I wanted was to wear shorts.
That mall is rather small and limited. Only one department store and no Forever 21. What the crap? I ended up finding shorts at Macy's, along with a cute Star Wars t-shirt and a crystal ring. After all the walking along the river, through the mall, and back to the hotel, I took a nap in my big comfy bed with all six pillows. I woke up just in time to catch the end of the LSU/Georgia game.
The plan for the evening was for us to find a bar to watch the Aggie game, which started at six. It was raining, though, so we watched the first half in our room before finally heading back out to the River Walk. We found a sports bar and lucky for me, they served a vegetarian pita. All I had to do was ask for them to hold the cheese and it was vegan. Success once again! And my Aggies won!
Jocelyn and I did some more strolling around and stopped to have some drinks at one of the restaurants. Throughout the night, I had six different people tell me that they liked my Star Wars shirt! It was a fun night. Jocelyn and I just chit chatted, sang as we walked, and laughed at all the ridiculous things that we each said. We eventually headed back to the hotel. The humidity and the crowds were almost unbearable, but we had fun regardless.
This morning, we slept in, packed our things, got ready, and left our hotel. We had to go back to the Convention Center to pick up our certificates and then it was back on the road to Dallas! The morning in San Antonio was actually nice. It wasn't as humid and the temperature had dropped. It was crazy cloudy, though. Grey skies style.
It remained cloudy all the way to Waxahachie. By then, the clouds started clearing and once we got to Dallas, it was gloriously sunny! It was the perfect weather to welcome us home!
I had a great time in San Antonio. I wish the weather was nicer and that I had packed more comfortable clothes and shoes. I also wish it wasn't so dang crowded! But overall, it was a fun and most importantly, I learned a lot at the conference. Also, it was nice to get away, although I did miss my babies!
So that marks the end of my very busy September! I made it. October promises to be quite busy as well, with more football, work, volunteering, the State Fair, haunted houses (I hope), back to running, my second photography class, live music shows, and Halloween celebrations (I hope).
One month after my original goal date, but well ahead of my 30th birthday, I ran my first half-marathon. I had been training since late May, I trained all through the brutal summer, having to wake up super-early on run days in order to avoid running in unbearable heat. In the final month, I finally stuck to the strict training diet and went full vegan at last.
My race was scheduled to begin at 7:30 am. As was suggested by my training manual (written by the wonderful No Meat Athlete), I woke up at 5:00 am to prepare and drink a smoothie (made with pineapple, banana, ground flaxseed, spinach, and coconut oil). I took some spirulina and changed into my running clothes. It took Dustin a bit longer to wake up, but he finally did. Off we went.
It was actually pretty cool when we left his place so I had to borrow a hoodie because I'm a weenie about being cold. It only took about twenty minutes to get to the park. The race was starting at the Plano Balloon Festival. Dustin and I made our way around the grounds not knowing where to go exactly, but finally found the runner's village. As a runner, I was treated to free coffee, which of course, I do not drink. Dustin gladly drank it for me, though. Haha Free coffee for my sleepy fella!
We made our way to the starting line. Music was blasting so we started dancing together. I needed that. It was my warm up. As the countdown to the start ended, I kissed Dustin, told him my estimated finish time (based on my pace during my training runs), handed him my bag, and off I went.
It was so exhilarating to be out there with fellow runners, especially fellow first-timers. There was so much excitement and positivism. During the second mile, we made our way up a hill and were able to see the hot air balloons that had been launched. Unfortunately for those of us at the head of the pack, not all the balloons had been launched when we passed this area and it ended up being the only place along the course with a view of them. Ah, well. On we continued.
I felt pretty good throughout the race up until mile seven or so. At that point, I had to take a break and walk. I also ate a few of my fruit chews and drank up some sports drink that I had in my water bottle. It seemed as though it took forever for me to reach mile eight. By mile nine, I finally felt that I had it in the bag even though fatigue was really starting to hit. After that point, I started stopping at each drink station and downing cups of Powerade. I know my body needed the carbs and I was happy to drink them!
I took a look at my watch once I reached mile ten and it hit me that I could make it to the finish before the time that I had told Dustin. This thrilled me, since he was spending all this time alone at the festival with not much to do other than look at balloons. The run had pretty much become a mind game at this point. I walked every five minutes or so until I reached the last mile. The sun was hitting us hard and I was feeling it. My legs were feeling okay, no worse than they felt during my long training runs. It was my feet and my stomach that were giving me trouble. I started to regret drinking all the Powerade!
I finally reached the last drink station at the 12-mile marker. I drank a cup of water, took a huge breath, and ran, ran, ran! The crowds cheering us on at the sidelines were becoming bigger! That was actually pretty amazing... All along the course, there were people cheering us on, telling us we were amazing, encouraging us to keep going, and even high-fiving us.
My Dad attended the White Rock Marathon every year when I was a kid and it makes me SO damn happy to finally realize that he was one of those guys waking up early to cheer others on. What an awesome guy. As if I didn't already love him enough!
So, yes, I reached the 12-mile marker and knew that I was almost done. I imagined putting that finishing medal around my neck and finally seeing Dustin and just ran as fast as I could on my tired feet. The large inflated arch that marked the finish line came into view and I got the craziest chills. The crowd was really big at this point! I started smiling like crazy!
With about 10 yards left, I spotted Dustin on the sideline! He was wearing a crazy, pink cowboy hat that I knew he must have bought while wandering around the festival! He looked hilarious in it and I started laughing. As I passed him, he took the hat off and started fanning my feet with it. I laughed even more, but I kept running.
As I was nearing the finish line, I heard someone yell, "Yeah! Go pink hat!" I turned my head, still running, and realized that Dustin was running right behind me! He was running and fanning my feet with the hat again. He was yelling encouraging words and I just started cracking up!
I finally crossed the finish line, with Dustin by my side, and we gave each other the hugest kiss with so many spectators watching us! I think our picture was taken too! It was the perfect finish. So much better than I could have imagined. That moment just reminded me how loved I am and how special Dustin is. I honestly expected him to be bored and sleepy when I finished the race. I expected having to call him to find him. He truly exceeded my expectations and made me such a ridiculously happy gal.
Dustin had told me the day before that he during a meeting at work, he told his co-workers about my race. I feel like he kinda bragged about me and that makes me happy. :)
Here's my picture after the race. I'm showing off my huge medal and wearing the crazy pink hat!
Plant strong! Woot woot!
Now, I look forward to continue to run this distance, improve my pace, and run a full marathon in six months to a year. There is no stopping me now! I am addicted to running and cannot wait to run another race!
I'm sitting in the break room at work, waiting to clock in, and it's hitting me how much I don't want to be here. I'd rather be outside in my neighborhood enjoying the weather. Unfortunately, it will be nine days before I get to do such a thing. As excited as I am about my trip to San Antonio this weekend, I will have no daytime spare time until next Wednesday. It will be October by then. Whoa.
Key to happiness: surround yourself with people who make you happy.
Measurement of wealth and success: the ability to form and maintain happy relationships.
Lovebirds.
This man I developed a crush on four years ago and started dating shortly thereafter. We have ups and downs in our relationship as does any couple, but the happy times far outnumber the bad. He makes me feel beautiful and special and loved. I still get giddy about seeing him. Four years later and he still fascinates me and inspires me to be a better person. All I want is to make him happy and to make him feel as wonderful as he makes me feel.
This still happens every night.
He has been wishing me sweet dreams for almost four years. He tells me that he loves me multiple times each and every day. I do not take it for granted. I know just how lucky I am to have him.
Dustin and Smartie
He not only loves and cares about me, he also loves and cares about my babies. That alone is enough for me to love him to death.
Yes, I love my Dustin. He is my family now and he is my family's family now. Every time my Mom tells me that she loves both of us, my heart melts. She loves me and she loves him because he loves me.
She had already told me that she loved me. Then she said "yall" to include Dustin.
I have the sweetest mom. She loves everyone and helps everyone. She helps me, my brother, my nephew, my cousins. She will help Dustin and she will help my friends. Her love and kindness know no limits.
I also have the greatest Dad on the planet.
Little Daisy and Dad
He spoiled me as much as he could. He actually still does. He always comes to my rescue when I need him. He built a cat tree for my cats. He drove miles and miles to College Station just to fix my bicycle for me. He cracks me up with his goofy jokes. He will drop whatever he is doing if I ask him to when I need him.
Birthday text from my Dad
People may say they have a great mother. Some may say they have a great father. Who can say that they have both? This girl can.
Of course, my family is so much more than just my parents. My goodness... my cousins!
So many cousins! Friends forever!
The young ones...
Me and Delilah
The ones closer to my age...
The Trio
The ones in between...
Me and Clarissa are such fly girls!
I love them all and will forever be bonded to them through blood and through a never-ending friendship!
Silly faces!
There are also the friends that we actually choose. Damn, I have done an awesome job choosing them!
We're the four best friends that anyone could ever have!
Best friends since middle school! The miles and the years will never ruin our friendship!
New friendships that make me think, "Why didn't we meet YEARS ago?!"
If there is one thing I am doing right it's choosing the players in my life well. They are all constant sources of smiles and laughter. Hugs and fun. Happiness surrounds me and I am absolutely floored by it.
Today, I got Cholula's ashes back. Her remains now rest on my shelf along with those of her brother Ferecito, whom she only met briefly back in 2008.
I wish the life span of ferrets was longer. Five to seven years is not enough time to spend with them! I say that, but then recall the massive amount of memories I made with my princess. Enough to fill my heart and keep it warm for a lifetime.
I am doing better. I still have not gone a day without crying, but that's okay. I cry because I love her. I cry because I miss her and when the thought of never seeing her again hits me, it hits me pretty damn hard. But then, I let all the memories-the happy happy memories-resurface. And I smile again.
Again, I am thankful that overall, I am a positive person. It helps me overcome the negative stages of the grieving process, so that I can still be a functional and happy person.
I am also thankful for everyone that surrounds me. My friends, my family, my coworkers, my surviving critters, and my boyfriend. My friends who have taken me out and kept me company. My family who has made life at home as comfortable as can be. My coworkers for their thoughtful words and their understanding. My critters for reminding me that I'm still a momma with plenty of loving and caring left to do. My amazing boyfriend for his sympathy and compassion and patience.
How lucky am I?
Cholula Belle, my sweet, adorable, lovable, wonderful, precious little princess. I miss you so much. I will never forget you, pretty girl, and will always be thankful for all the joy you brought into my life during your much too short life with me. I hope I can honor you well by continuing to help animals in need and by sharing stories about you as long as I live. I hope you know how much you meant to me and will continue to mean to me. I hope you know that you will forever be remembered and irreplaceable. Precious princess. Kisses, my baby!
Warning: this is a very raw post, almost immediately following the death of one of my beloved babies, no time for me to process or make sense out of things.
I've been through it before. Losing a pet. It never gets easy, though. No matter how many times you've been through it. Each critter is so unique and special, that you grieve one just as immensely no matter how many times you have grieved before.
I deal with loss of pets on an almost daily basis at my work. There have been times when I am stressed to the max at work and then find myself passing a distraught pet owner. I almost always think, "My goodness, I need to suck it up. Things could be worse. I at least have healthy pets."
Now I'm the distraught owner. The heartbroken momma. It's me. It's my turn. And I am hurting. Bad.
When I got my first dog (Shiba) as a child, I remember rushing to the library to find a book about dogs. I wanted to know how long they lived. No internet in those days for a quick search. The answer back then (almost twenty years ago) was approximately ten years. When I read this, I thought, "Oh, okay. When the time comes, I'll be an adult and I will be able to handle death well and accept it."
Silly little Daisy. It was okay to be naive. You were only an eight-year-old.
When Shiba finally passed (she made it to thirteen, ya stupid book!), I was on the verge of turning 21. Of course, I cried for days. I was just as miserable as I would have been as an eight-year-old. I just turned 29 last week and once again, I will be bawling my eyes over next few days.
I will think about Cholula constantly. I will feel sorry for myself. I will feel an immense emptiness. I will voluntarily become a recluse. My eyes and my heart will be heavy. I will more than likely smile and laugh at things that make me do so, but deep down, I will be mourning.
I already miss her so much! Her kisses, her bouncy gait, the way she begged for treats at my leg, her fearlessness when climbing my bed and couch, her constant attempts to escape, the sound of her little feet running across my wood floor, her little round ears, her cute little paws.
Oh, tiny little furry princess. Cute, lovable little thing. Mommy loves you so much!
