Creating

Throughout the day on most days, if my mind has a moment to spare, which is less likely on days that I am at work, I think of things that I want to write. I come up with ideas for a blog post, ideas for an essay, or I simply want to stop what I am doing and just write.

I was better about writing when I was in my early twenties. As an undergrad student, I would carry my journal in my bag so that I could write in between classes. There were times, if the lectures were boring and I felt confident that my printed notes or reading material would suffice, that I would write during class. It is probably why I never made any friends in my classes. I liked sitting alone in a corner where I could write, unless the class was actually interesting, of course.

Some of the things I wrote in my journal would make their way onto my old blog, the one I kept on MySpace (one of my biggest regrets in my life is that I blogged on MySpace instead of using a legitimate blogging site). I would translate my writings into posts that would make sense to others. I would translate them in such a way that I did not mind sharing. So much thought went into those posts. Sometimes, I would even include photographs or music or links. It felt fantastic!

I had more spare time back then, unless my week was crammed with exams. Even after I graduated and landed my first job, I wrote more than I do now. I continued to carry my journal with me and would lock myself in an office during my lunch break so that I could write undisturbed. Writing was my therapy. It was my drug. There were times that I felt crazy if I was unable to stop and immediately put my thoughts and feelings into words, onto paper.

I was also more creative back then and so full of ideas. Writing was my biggest creative outlet, but I also drew and made inspiration boards/collages. I also continued to hope to become even more creative. I had a guitar that I looked forward to learning to play, once my "study" time could be devoted to it instead of being devoted to earning a degree, and once I had enough money to pay for lessons guilt-free.

The point of all this is to say that I miss being creative. I miss journaling, I miss blogging, I miss drawing, I miss wanting to play an instrument, I miss letting my mind wander.

My journaling stopped because it became stupid. The things I wrote about eventually became superficial and writing was not very fulfilling. Then a certain someone read the damn thing and I stopped entirely, which was fine. Again, at that point, I wasn't writing about anything significant.

Blogging. This. I became discouraged from blogging when the people whose blogs I read stopped posting. And my readers stopped reading. The feedback became nonexistent. I partly blame MySpace because that site became completely obsolete. I had no one to write to or write for. If no one was going to read my posts, it made more sense to keep a private journal alone, and well, you know what happened there.

The frequency of my posts dwindled. I completely ceased keeping a journal. I stopped wanting to write everything down. So many events went undocumented. They were only partially documented on Facebook. Only tidbits of my experiences captured in photos and brief captions or blurbs.

I stopped drawing. I felt that it was pointless, but what was really ever the point? Other than the fact that I enjoyed it? Somehow, that stopped being enough. Geeze, Daisy.

Well, I am going to write more. I am going to blog more. I am going to keep a journal again. I will write in it, I will draw in it, and I will take photographs of my entries and share them here or maybe on my Tumblr or maybe both. I own an amazing camera and would be a much better photographer if I actually used it more. I have a set of calligraphy pens, which I will learn how to use. I have a sewing machine, which I will also learn how to use. Maybe I will even learn how to play that damn guitar of mine. Finally.

The big move that I have previously written about is happening on Saturday. This past weekend, I found a desk that I really like and I plan to buy it once we have moved in. I cannot wait to have a desk again. It may well become the center of my universe, the place where I can unwind and release all my creative energy. I feel that buying this desk may be the most important catalyst for making me a creative gal once more.

Equally as important will be for me to STOP spending so much time online. I admit that I tend to look to Pinterest, Instagram, and Tumblr for creative inspiration, but I focus so much on looking without actually doing. Isn't that absolutely silly? There should be less Facebooking as well. It's time to return to documenting things in a worthwhile, thoughtful manner.

If anyone reads this, please hold me to these things. Ask me for a photograph or an update on life and my thoughts and my feelings and everything going on in my brain. Ask to see my handwriting. Ask to see something that I sewed. Do NOT ask me to play guitar for you. That's bottom of my list and probably the thing I will be the worst at.

Have a perfect, sunshiny day and check back soon!

You can't spell February without eff

Eff you, February.

Here is my present goal: do not allow the stack and maze of boxes surrounding me give me anxiety. This is the worst part of moving. Packing in itself, but then having to live with the growing amount of boxes until moving day. I feel that my already small space is only getting tinier and it may very well make me a little crazy in these final days leading to our move.

This weather is also trying to drive me crazy. I have finally reached that point, y'all. I start off strong in November and December. In January, I convince myself that it is almost over and spring is just around the corner. Then we reach February and by that time, the cold just seems never-ending and I hate it. I long for warmer temperatures so badly, my spirit hurts. Uggghhh.

I really am at that point. I cannot handle all the layers of clothes. I cannot handle the grey skies. I long for the sun! I want to wear skirts and dresses without having my legs confined in tights. No matter how cute they may be, tights are still so confining! I want to run in my shorts again. I want to be motivated to run in the mornings. I want to want to (not a typo) spend more time outdoors. I want good ol' warm and hot Texas weather back.

I hate February so much. A while back, I mentioned my hatred of this month to Dustin, so he and I tried to think of things we could look forward to this month.

• We started the list with the Super Bowl. That was a major disappointment. 
• I added the return of The Walking Dead to the list. We shall see how things go tonight. 
• There is still Valentine's Day. Dustin never disappoints, he's a total sweetheart.
• Then there's our big move. And the work that comes with it.

Am I being a Negative Nancy or what? Hahaha You just do not understand how much I loathe winter. It is the bane of my existence, each and every year. If winter were a person, I'd bitchslap it.

Oh well. I better carry on. A Chipotle burrito makes everything better.

You'll never feel happy until you try

This post was inspired by the following question I was asked:

"Daisy, how do you stay so happy?"

Before I attempt to answer the question, I have to correct what it presumes. I do not stay happy all the time. I get sad. I get grumpy. There are days that I spend angry with myself, angry at others in my life, and angry at the entire world. I give myself time to be sad if I need to be sad. I allow myself to be grumpy and vent if I have to. Being angry is certainly okay in my book because it means I give a damn.

The key is not to dwell in these moments. Give yourself the time you need and move on! Bounce back. Let the negativity you feel encourage you to make changes or to speak up. Secondly, don't get grumpy over every little thing. Do not let insignificant matters or people make you sad or angry. The world is imperfect. Accept that and only worry about things that truly matter.

You cannot control all the circumstances that the world and life throw at you. I have shitty days. I have failed miserably. I disappoint myself and others disappoint me as well. The nature of the world, the process of disease, the inevitable progress from order to disorder. I am not immune to the uproar. You aren't either. Nobody is.

Control what you can control (which is a lot!). Build yourself a strong foundation of happiness. Even if life is smooth sailing right now, think of ways to be even happier! Do not focus on trying to be happy only when you're at a low. Happiness should be your priority at ALL times. This way, when things go haywire, you are already at a positive place and will be able to handle matters better.

Some things that I control and make me happy (you can control them too!):

• Sleep: At least seven hours every night. How can a tired mind make the effort to be happy? You need energy to do the things that must be done to be happy!
• Exercise: Easy. Health means happiness. Also, gotta love those endorphins.
• Relationships: Keep them healthy as well. Nurture your relationships with the people you love and care about. Do not worry about people who only bring you down. Surround yourself with happy people.
• Fulfillment: Make a difference. Be a positive influence on someone's life. I personally love animals and find fulfillment in my job. I also volunteer when time permits. When time doesn't permit, make a donation. Easy peasy.
• Do what you love: You may not love your job. Fine. Let's say that it takes 45 hours of your week (I've thrown time in for getting ready in the morning and the commute). Let's say you follow my advice and sleep seven hours a night. That's 49 hours in one week. Together, there go 94 hours of your week. That leaves you with 74! Precious hours to do whatever you please! Do not let them go to waste. Do things that you love... Paint, go outside, cook, run, read, listen to music, play an instrument, sing, dance, spend time with people you love.
• Look forward to life: Always have something to look forward to. Things in the immediate future like a birthday celebration, a weekend getaway, a daytrip, a reunion with friends, nice weather, a race (in the case of runners!). If I realize that I have nothing exciting planned for weeks, I make plans! My friends call me The Coordinator for a reason. You can also look forward to things in the distant future, even if you have no idea when they will happen. Marriage, children (not for me!), a degree, a new job, a dream vacation. Be excited about life!
• Focus: I mentioned this before, but it bears repeating. Do not focus on the little things. There are bound to be many and they simply do not matter. I step in shit in the morning. My hair is a mess. I get stuck in traffic. I forget my wallet. Rain ruins my plans. People are rude. I don't always get a lunch break. So what? It is all rather insignificant and not worth your time or worth messing up your mood.
• Give yourself some credit: Be your own #1 fan. It is not arrogant or conceited to acknowledge that you are a badass. Know your qualities. Don't expect others to recognize and list them for you. It's a bonus when they do, but you have to build yourself up first.

So much of my confidence comes from the fact that I have convinced myself that I am in control of so many things. I have the final say in my own happiness, regardless of what is thrown at me. I make the choice to react the way I do, nobody else does. I choose how I spend my time and who I spend it with. I take matters into my own hands. I make mistakes and they are mine. I was in control of them too, I just didn't play them well. It happens. On to the next with a lesson learned and continued tenacity, preferably with a smile.

I encourage you to try these things because they work for me. My life isn't perfect, it never will be. As I stated, I have failed time and time again. The world is one of opportunity, though. Life goes on and gives you options. My life didn't end in those moments of major suckage. It will not end until I take my final breath. In the meantime, I will take what opportunities I can and.... You guessed it, be as happy as can be!

The title of this post comes from the lyrics of the following song:

Listening to good music that perks me up is also instrumental to being a happy daisy. Dancing to it is the icing on the cake.