The sun will come out...

Tomorrow, tomorrow

I should have sang that song to myself yesterday when I was in such a funk. Being called in to work at 4:30 pm and staying there until 12:30 am didn't really help that funk. I got home a little after one because I missed dinner, was extremely hungry after work, and decided to stop at Whataburger. Ohmuhgoodness, Whataburger is crowded in the wee hours of a Saturday night. So many drunks!

It took me a while to unwind after I made it home, but I eventually fell asleep sometime after 3:00. This morning, I was out of bed by 9:00. The sun was shining brightly in my room and that was my cue to get the hell up and get going. Today, I am in a much livelier mood.

It may be my new phone. It may be knowing that I only have today and tonight left of on-call training. It may be that I get to see my honey and my family tomorrow. It may be that I will be watching Les Miserables in just two days. It may be that it makes me happy to see my 14-year-old cousin happy and that I love being a positive influence for him. It may be that I spent a large part of the morning just watching my critters play and interact with one another. It may be that I am watching the Cowboys and keep seeing promos for the upcoming Cotton Bowl game featuring my Fightin' Texas Aggies and Johnny Football.

Whatever it is, it is good. It was needed. I am thankful.

All you have is time time time

I have said this before: I need to stop posting all my thoughts and sharing links, photos, and videos on facebook. I need to post them here instead. Here, where they will not get lost in a mass of soundbytes, images, rants, and raves. Here, where people who actually care to know about what is on my mind will come to find out. Here, where I can actually put my thoughts into more elaborate words.

The year is almost over and winter is officially here. With winter's arrival, we will slowly start making our way towards longer days once again. Wintertime is without a doubt my least favorite time of year. Geeze, it sucks all the energy out of me and I constantly have to remind myself that I am, in fact, a happy daisy. Thankfully, the days will now start getting longer and with Daylight Saving Time beginning in a few months, I will get even more hours of sunlight in my days.

It's frustrating, not being able to enjoy the sun at all. I am a child of summer. Astrologically, the sun is my ruling planet. My name means "the day's eye" because the flower who shares its name with me looks like the sun. I... need... more... sun! Warm temperatures are not enough to get me through this horrid season. I need some rays. Bad.

Another good thing about the year progressing to the point we are at now is that I will no longer be on-call every other weekend. My goodness, I will be getting my life back! Granted, I'll still have school and my normal work schedule, but my weekends, all of them, will belong to me once more. This means spending more time with my critters, friends, family, and Dustin. This also means finally putting a membership voucher I bought a month ago to use. Dance classes, here I come! Also, I will have time to open an Etsy shop soon. Details will follow. I am beyond excited.

So here's to the end of the year and to time being on my side.

Happy holidays, y'all. Be safe.

I want to hibernate

I have nothing exciting to report. No events to share with you. Nothing that I feel worthy of a nice long blog post. Life has revolved around work and school. Striking a balance among those two and the rest of my life has not been a challenge because I am not letting it be. I simply ignore other aspects of life and do what I do.

It is getting old, though. I don't feel drained, but I am not as fanciful as I usually am. I feel that if anything fun and adventurous were to happen in life at the present moment, it would all be forced. I hate forcing things.

I don't know if it's been my ridiculous rotations at work, my lack of exercise, or the fact that the sun does not play as long as it does in the summer. Maybe it's a combination of things. Regardless, this is as close to being in a funk as I have been in a while. What a drag.

Hopefully, I can snap out of it. December 21st is only nine days away. It's the day when the sun hides the most. After that, the days start getting longer and the calendar begins its steady approach towards the vernal equinox, which has to be one of my favorite days of the year!

I truly despise winter time. Even with the holiday breaks, it's just such a bother! Ooof.

Towards the end

We are finally in that post-Halloween period when I feel I have nothing to look forward to other than the arrival of spring. Last year and the year before, I kept reminding myself that I had the end to look forward to. Dustin's birthday on December 29th, our anniversary on the 30th, and New Year's Eve on the 31st.

Things have not looked so promising this year.

First of all, several days ago, celebrating his birthday and our anniversary were both events I was going to remove from my calendars. I broke up with the guy, not because I was being brash and overly dramatic, but because I felt that I truly needed to. I would rather not go into all the details here, but I will state that overall, things just did not feel right in our relationship. Then he wrote something that I truly wish I was not thinking about right now because here I go feeling angry about it again...

[pause]

That just pushed me over the edge and I was done. Then he kept trying to talk to me even though I was refusing to reply to his text messages. That got annoying. Honestly, I think the main reason I even agreed to talk to him was because I wanted to get things off my chest. It wasn't because I wanted to work on things, really. Still, I have so many feelings and emotions invested in him that I thought it would be worth it to give our relationship another try.

It's weird. That's all I will say about it.

Anyhow, as of now, I do have his birthday and our anniversary to look forward to, as well as six crazy weeks of work. I have actually taken to twitter to complain about how much I'll be working. Silly me.

Yes, I will be exhausted; yes, I would rather spend time with the people/critters I love; yes, it's going to be brutal. I have to spin these thoughts in a positive direction, though, and so I am left thinking this: I am a bad ass. Plain and simple. Only bad asses can handle everything I have going on without falling a part just a bit. Right? Right.

Even bad asses need their sleep, however. Off I go!

The perks of being a daisy flower

Every now and then, it hits me just how much I love Dustin. I love him for being who he is, but I am also hit with just how much he loves me, and I love him even more for that. Almost three years into our relationship and he still tells me that he loves me multiple times throughout the day. He wishes me sweet dreams each and every night. Sometimes, he tells me that I'm gorgeous and that he is proud of me. It's an amazing feeling, knowing that a person who was a complete stranger throughout your entire life has grown to love and cherish you in a relatively short amount of time. I hope he realizes that I feel the same way about him and that my life is better because of him and because I am in love.

It's a gloomy day today. The sun has not made an appearance what with low clouds hanging about. After running a few errands this morning and early afternoon, I now find myself at home wanting to simply relax. Relaxation will be hard to come by these next few months as I will be training to become an on-call technician. What this means is that every other week, I can be called upon to go to work after-hours if there is an emergency. After-hours are as follows: weekdays after 4PM and weekends, of course. So in just over an hour, I have to be glued to the phone in case I am needed.

This will go on through December, I believe. Oh dear.

So, I can't really bring myself to relax now that it's almost four. I'm working on laundry and may read for a little while. Two nights ago, I realized (through Facebook) that several friends have watched the film adaptation of The Perks of Being a Wallflower. As a result, I started to read it again. It has been an interesting re-read.

When I first read the book, I was a lonesome 19-year-old girl whose closest friends all lived miles and miles away due to her being in college. All the boys I crushed on had girlfriends who I thought were much cuter than me. I didn't know how to do my makeup and I hated my hair. I was quiet, but observant. I focused on school and sleeping and was hardly social at all. When I did have time to spare, I wanted to listen to music, make the best mixed cds, and read as many books as I possibly could. That was my life and it was the reason I related to the characters in Perks so well, even if my experiences were not as extreme as theirs.

Reading the book again takes me back to that time and I remember why I was so happy to have discovered this literary masterpiece. I am halfway through it now and I am actually even happier to have rediscovered it. Perspective. I do realize that I have really made my life happen and have long left my awkward teenager phase. There are times when I feel dissatisfied with things, no doubt, but I am pleased with the person I have become, the relationships that I have built and kept, and the way I spend my time. Honestly, I feel very accomplished and look forward to the future as much as ever. Such progress!

Incidentally, if you haven't read the book I'll inform you that it is written as a series of letters that the main character writes to a friend whom he does not even know. A stranger. The way it was written inspired me to blog because I felt that, in essence, I would be doing the same. Telling my story to anonymous strangers only it would be via the world wide web. It became therapeutic for me to write and I have been hooked ever since, although I do not write as much as I originally did. I guess I really have grown. Less "therapy" is now needed.

What a day. What thoughts and what memories. Thanks for reading.

Love,
Daisy

September post!

Well, friends, the times have been busy times. September was full of fun, work, school, and creativity. September was full of friends, family, critters, and my dude.

I had my hair colored for the first time. I went to Midnight Yell, Pride, Oktoberfest, and The Ballpark. I painted, I sewed, I volunteered, and I ran in my first race. School is in full-swing. Work is work. At least forty glorious hours a week. Lots of football and baseball.

October promises not to slow down. Work will be more intense as I start training to become an on-call technician. My super-accelerated class will end, accompanied by a final exam, and a new class will begin subsequently. The State Fair has arrived and I have to go at least twice. Haunted houses, girlfriends? Macbeth at Addison Circle Park, Dustin? Veggie State Fair, anyone? Oh, and the return of The Walking Dead.

Cooler weather means more times outdoors. Oh, what a world! Life is but a dream!

I must remind myself to sleep...

Sleep.

Falling into fall

So summer is winding down, is it not? I say this because all around me, school seems to be the topic of conversation.

I have cousins gearing up for another year of high school, old coworkers registering for their last semesters of college, old friends going back to school while working full-time, former classmates returning to College Station, and other friends preparing their small children for school. Each person stressing in his or her own way, but making things happen all the same. I am actually excited for everyone -- I'm weird.

I myself am embarking on a scholastic adventure: earning a Master's degree entirely online. Lawd, help me.

Still, it is safe to say that I am glad the summer is almost over, even if this means that I will now have to devote some of my spare time to reading, homework, and studying. With summer on its way out, fall can gloriously make its entrance accompanied by so much fun to be had, I am going to need energy like none other!

Allow me to specify:

• The return of football -- Go Cowboys and gig 'em, Aggies!
• Dallas Pride on September 16th, complete with a 5K, parade, and festival
• Macbeth opens at Shakespeare Dallas on September 19th, then in Addison on October 3rd
• The State Fair of Texas, which opens September 28th
• The Index Music Festival at Trees -- October 5th-6th
• Zombie Walk in Deep Ellum on October 13th -- can't wait to dress up for that one!
• The gayest, most fabulous Halloween party on the planet: Block Party! October 27th

That's as far as I can go. After Halloween the time changes and Mr. Sun doesn't appear as much... I am less enthused. Regardless, isn't my fall shaping up to be the bestest? Can I repeat how happy I am to be spending it in Dallas and not College Station? Oh! I will also be taking sewing lessons starting next month. One of my coworkers may be joining me on that adventure. Yippeeee!

Let's just end this one on that note: Yippeeee!

Throwing stuff at life

Bored with life? Feeling stuck? Lacking hope and joy? I feel that way sometimes too, hence my post about wanting adventure. My advice to you is to not look back. Only look forward without focusing on the little things. Envision that big picture. Take time to yourself to reflect, make a list of goals, make a list of things that make you happy. Then, make those things happen. Believe in yourself. Trust that you can take matters into your own hands and convince yourself that more than anyone or anything in this world, you have a say in your degree of happiness.

Over the past several weeks, I've been hooked on Pinterest, more so than ever. Specifically, fashion and, even more specifically, vintage and retro style. Two months ago, I bought the cutest yellow vintage dress from Lula B's in Deep Ellum. Of course, being a vintage dress, it is a bit out of date with a rather long hem. If I were to wear it as it is, I'd look more grandmother-like than fashionista-like. The only solution would be to alter it... A desire to learn how to sew has been born.

The thought of being able to alter clothes to make it fit me perfectly and the idea of maybe one day making my own clothes is very thrilling. As of last week, I have started to learn how to sew. My creative energies are being put to use and it feels wonderful!

I also have very altruistic energies.

I have turned those altruistic energies to children. As with animals, I want to help children who are in need of the most attention -- this is why I once worked and volunteered at animal shelters. I do not do well in human hospitals, otherwise I would volunteer at the Children's Hospital. Instead, I have chosen to do volunteer work at a learning center for homeless children.

Last week, I attended orientation at Vogel Alcove and was briefly introduced to some of the children there. As I saw their tiny faces beaming with joy and curiosity, I realized that my life is about to change. The thoughts and emotions that ran through me are best left for another post, once I am better able to put them into words. For now, all I can say -- in the simplest of terms -- is that I am grateful for and so excited about this opportunity. It has given my restless heart something to look forward to and I couldn't be happier about it.

I guess all I am trying to say is do what you love. Do things that will satisfy your energies. Don't let your time and energy go to waste. Realize that life is what you make of it. Even though you can't always control what is thrown at you, you can control how you react to it and what you throw back at it. I have chosen to throw back some creativity and humanity.

How about you?

I want much more than this provincial life

"I want adventure in the great wide, somewhere.
I want it more than I can tell
And for once, it might be grand
To have someone understand
I want so much more than they've got planned."

Belle sang those words oh-so-beautifully in Disney's Beauty & Beast while running with arms wide open through a field behind her father's little farm, on a hill, overlooking a forest, a river, and mountains. I watched each and every Disney film released during the studio's Renaissance, and Belle was easily my favorite character from all those films.

I was seven when I met her, having learned how to read maybe a year or two prior, and already obsessed with books. Even at that age, I related to her because all I wanted to do was read. My sweet Mom took me to the public library at least once a week. If it had been up to me, however, I'd have been there everyday, much like Belle frequented the town's bookshop. It would take no more than two days for me to read the books I checked out and so I was left to re-read them until our next trip. I memorized so many books. Crazy little creature, I was.

Now as an adult, I still love to read, though it saddens me that I do not do it as often as I should. It has been a couple of months since I was absolutely consumed by a book. Still, I relate to my old friend Belle, mostly because I want adventure now. I want to travel and try unimaginable things. I want to scream from the top of my lungs from excitement that can not be contained. I want to spring my muscles into action, I want to dance out of joy in impromptu locales, I want to see animals and flowers and trees that I have never seen before.

I don't want to settle without my senses being stirred by novel sights, scents, and sounds. I want adventure anywhere and everywhere, including here in Dallas, here in Texas, here in the States. A few weeks ago, I made a trip to San Marcos and floated the Guadalupe River for the first time. That was enough of a first step to encourage me to take more. Now is the perfect time to make lasting memories.

Now is also the time to read read read. To live a thousand lives through the books that I lose myself in. And so with a clear mind and eyes and heart set on adventure, I will work to not be dulled by what is planned and expected. Life is too short for that, don't you think?

Peace

I feel that I go through life trying to make peace with everything that happens around me and everything that happens to me. I can be extremely sensitive, insanely emotional, ridiculously analytical, and my goodness, I dwell on things like none other. Such things make it difficult for me to find tranquility. However, apart from being happy, being at peace with life is another goal that I need to set out to achieve each and everyday. I need to end each day being both happy and peaceful. One day at a time. One daisy day at a time.

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.

It's July already!

Oh, no. I said I was going to write more. Here we are over a month later and nothing. Not wanting to make excuses for myself, but here's the thing. A few things, actually:

• I started my new job and my hours are bat-shit crazy. Pardon my language.
• My computer has been down. That tech-savvy fella that I keep around (his name is Dustin) fixed it for me last weekend, though. Such joy. I bought him a steak dinner to thank him. Wait, no. That was us celebrating our two-and-a-half anniversary. I say he pays for year-anniversaries and I pay for half-years. 
• Blogging from my phone just doesn't cut it. How can I write well with such restrictions?

Here I am again, though. This last month has been a huge adjustment for me. A new job with the aforementioned crazy hours. A lot to learn, new people to learn to work with, a new schedule. I have been so busy that I didn't see my friends during the entire month of June so I miss them terribly. Thankfully, my schedule varies even more this month and I have the next two Mondays off. Fun times with friends up ahead, for sure.

Fun times in Dallas up ahead in general. I am so excited and looking forward to life here again. I am determined to make the most of living here since I feel like I missed out so much while I was away. I want to do it all and go everywhere. Museums, parks, trails, restaurants, bars, shows, events, everything! I also want to run a 5K. Right now I have my eye on the Santa Fe Trail 5K, but October seems very far away. Pub crawls, zombie walks, Shakespeare in the Park. Fun fun fun.

Here's hoping that I keep my job and keep a positive mentality. Hoping that people and attitudes don't get the best of me. Hoping that I don't dwell on the terrible things that are said to me. Hoping that I enjoy life as if this is the best time to have the best times.

Have a fantastic day!

100 things I would like to try

This is an easy prompt because I can format it as a list and not an essay. It will still require some creativity on my part, though. One-hundred things is quite a bit to come up with! Here goes...

1. Belly dancing
2. Sewing
3. Playing an instrument
4. Gardening
5. Photography
6. Painting
7. Tandem bicycling
8. Building a sandcastle
9. Ride the world's tallest roller coaster
10. Running a 5K
11. Learning to skate backwards
12. Renewing old furniture
13. SXSW
14. Fun Fun Fun Fest
15. Meet Glen Hansard
16. Meet Frank Turner
17. Crashing a wedding
18. Win an award
19. Master the French language
20. Save more animals
21. Cook a full-course meal
22. Go to every vegan restaurant near me
23. Run around White Rock Lake
24. Get my boyfriend into running
25. Get my boyfriend into ANY type of exercise
26. Help my loved ones make healthy choices
27. Creative writing
28. Go to all the museums near me
29. Building something
30. Create a closet worthy of envy
31. Become better at dealing with heartbreak
32. Avoid heartbreak
33. Be a better daughter, sister, girlfriend, cousin, friend, etc.
34. Remaining humble
35. Plan a cheap but pretty wedding
36. Vegetarian sushi
37. Get accepted again
38. French-braid my own hair
39. Having a healthy sleep schedule
40. Eat lots of fruits and veggies every day
41. Wearing contacts
42. A good, consistent workout regime
43. New mix-n-match outfits
44. Staying in love with life
45. Keeping my head up
46. Be a better listener
47. Don't allow myself to be hurt so easily
48. Don't allow bitter, angry, envious, drunken words to hurt me
49. Learn the choreography to... something
50. Staying in touch with people who matter to me
51. Be retweeted by someone I admire (besides Bryce Avary... done that)
52. Learn to make Mom's awesome enchiladas
53. Learn to make Mom's awesome arroz
54. Parasailing (if that's what it's called)
55. Jet-skiing
56. Make the most baddest, awesomest music playlists ever
57. Stop being such a grammar snob
58. Continue making good grammatical choices myself
59. Go to more shows
60. Save money
61. Travel
62. Explore DFW
63. Explore Texas
64. Get Dustin to meet my family in Mexico
65. Remember the Alamo
66. Discover new music
67. New hairstyles
68. New hair color
69. Be less judgmental
70. Be a better listener
71. Complain less
72. Skydiving
73. Hold as many species of animals as possible
74. Have toned abs
75. Go vegan
76. Finish Ana Karenina
77. Have a favorite author
78. Avoid getting the flu
79. Go another 14 years without vomiting
80. Maintain my weight
81. Not overwhelm myself by adopting too many animals
82. Visit Mexico more often
83. Try veggie burgers from every local restaurant that offers them
84. Get people to try being vegetarians
85. Keep an open mind
86. Always love
87. Go through a "haunted house" by myself
88. Read more books in Spanish
89. Becoming an expert bargain shopper
90. Avoid getting split ends
91. Collect more vinyl records
92. Keep my record player working
93. Remain decluttered
94. Laugh laugh laugh
95. Remember what matters
96. Listen to The Adventure Club every week
97. Like babies and children a little more
98. Spend less time on the interwebz
99. Being a forward thinker
100. Continue writing

Done. It only took me three days.

Becoming a writer

I enjoy writing, I really do. And I enjoy sharing what I write and getting feedback, which is why I blog. What I don't like is always writing about all my problems and how I'm trying oh-so-hard to fix them. That gets boring, doesn't it? That's not how I do life. Life is to be enjoyed and it isn't just about the present moment. Life is past moments and moments you look forward to experiencing. Life is good if you allow what is good to surface and fixate yourself on that rather than focusing on all that is wrong.

In an effort to become a bit more creative with my blog and to surface the greatness, I will be using prompts from this website and writing away. I am actually really looking forward to this and should add that this is yet another bright side. I have time to be creative again. Hooray for that! :)

Update

Well, friends. I have a job.

It's not entirely official yet, there is paperwork to be done and a background check to pass, but a position was offered to me and I accepted. The pay is great, the benefits are amazing, I don't have to work on weekends, and I'll be working in neurology. You know, MRIs, CT scans, brain surgeries, and such. No big deal. ;)

As I mentioned before, I will also be submitting an application to UNT next week and hopefully start working towards a Master's degree in Public Health as soon as this fall. I just need to get some things in order and get transcripts prepared. Then I will be well on my way. I should hear back from them in about two weeks. Amazing.

This past week has been crazy going from one interview to another. When permanently moving back to Dallas became a reality, I immediately worried about not being able to find a job. How silly of me. I have been getting phone calls and emails out the wazoo! Weighing my options became quite the hassle. Lucky for me, I didn't give myself time to be stressed because I was too busy spending time with the people I have missed so much.

I played ball and went for a stroll with Cent, Heather, and Tee on Monday. Odet and Edith came to visit me on Tuesday. Yesterday, I went shopping with Jonathan. Today, I had lunch with Edgar, Edith, Odet, and Christie. I've been everywhere from Lake Ray Hubbard to Deep Ellum to Uptown. All of this just emphasized how thrilled I should feel to be back with these people and in this town.

I do feel thrilled. It's more than a feeling, though. I am thrilled.

Happy weekend everyone!

Up up up above

Things are looking up now. They're not entirely perfect, but definitely not as bleak as they were early last week.

I have a job interview this afternoon, go me. Over the weekend, I applied for four different openings all over the Metroplex. This is the only one I have heard back from. This morning, I've already applied for two additional openings. I am becoming obsessed with this whole job search thing. I couldn't even tell you how I found three of the postings. I just google various things, go to whatever sites come up, and then I'm off on tangents. Ah, well.

The other news is that I will hopefully start working towards a Master's Degree in Public Health from UNT this fall. It should take a year or two to complete and it is perfect considering that it's relevant to veterinary medicine and I can take my classes online. I can keep a full-time job, y'all! My goal is to boost my GPA back up in hope of getting back into vet school.

I also can't express how happy I am to be back in Dallas. I truly am. Yesterday, as I was riding with Dustin  from his place near Plano back to Dallas, I just looked around and was thankful to be back in DFW. As we were exiting to get to my parents' place, I pointed out a billboard advertising legal services with the words "Baby Mama Drama?" printed across it in huge red letters. Oh yes, I am home.

I am also happy to say that Dustin and I will are doing well. We had a good weekend together that culminated with us spending Sunday evening at The Ballpark together to watch the Rangers beat those freakin' Angels. My problem has been that with all this free time (I can't remember the last time I wasn't either in school or working full-time), all I do is think think think and overanalyze things. I find cracks where they don't necessarily exist and stress myself out over nothing. I have definitely been doing this where my relationship with Dustin was concerned. I'm beginning to trust that we will be okay, though, which is finally giving me some much-needed peace of mind.

That's where I currently stand, friends. Hopefully, I'll have some nice updates for y'all soon!

Backyardigan

I'm sitting in my parents' backyard, watching my nephew shoot some hoops. Mom never changes. He said he wanted to come outside to play, but she wouldn't let him because she couldn't watch him. She's working on dinner. Mom was always like that. My brother and I could never do a thing unless we were being well-supervised, preferably by her. No one could watch us better than she did, of course. She's always been such a great mom.

It's always weird coming back here. Obviously, I don't spend much time here anymore. I remember how big this yard once seemed and how Mom would warn me not to go past the garage. Then I'd be too close to the alley and who knew who or what could be lingering back there. Again, she always sided with caution. I was never afraid, though. I read too many books and figured there was too much to imagine, too many spaces to explore, and too many adventures to experience to be held back by fear. Those were the first lessons that books taught me.

I want to be that little girl again. I want to renew my sense of adventure. Not only that, but I want the promise of a bright, long future back. I want to have endless possibilities in front of me. I want to be fearless.

My nephew is giving his own play-by-play as he shoots... Where did my own imagination and idealism go?

I also remember spending hour upon hour with my dogs out here. Running around and making them do tricks. Although, I'm not in school anymore, I can still enjoy the company of animals. I can't give up on them. They are still my life.

Being here is nice. Just another thing that I probably needed without even realizing it. I even got a good laugh. Why on earth would my parents get such a lawnmower? They crack me up!

Rejection

The decision was no. I can not stay. I tried, but it wasn't enough.

The most immediate thing that I have to do now is find a job. After that, start thinking of how I am going to get them to accept me again. I have some ideas, but they're not concrete.

When the decision was final, I was calm. I was in the middle of texting Dustin when I received the call so he was the first person I told. I am still calm. This is a setback, sure. A major setback, but it's not the end of the world and it's not the end of my dream either. I'm still dusting myself off and probably over-analyzing everything that went wrong and led to my fall, but I will be okay again.

To be honest, I am looking forward to being back in Dallas and to have free time again. This gives me the opportunity to enjoy life again, something that I haven't felt that I've been able to do since school started. Of course, I'd rather continue with school, but I have to look on the bright side. There is good that will come out of this.

So that's that. I'm heading to Dallas later this afternoon. I'll have to come back to move everything out of my little apartment, but that can wait until later this month. I'm ready to be home now. I'm ready to smile again.

Can't stop!

Seriously, I deactivate facebook and now I can't stop blogging or tweeting! This is good, though. I would much rather blog than update my status or post links to this or that on facebook. Actually, the majority of the time I was on facebook, I was only being nosey. You know... Reading others' posts and looking at their pictures and following drama along and so on. Quite stupid.

I blog during adversity. This is a trend that I first noticed years ago, when I still blogged on myspace [I keep telling myself that I need to figure out how to export those posts onto this site, but I never bother to do it]. My "spills" are the most thoughtful and longest of posts. All my posts are honest, but I am a lot more transparent in times of trouble. I let it all out.

It's funny, isn't it? How troubles never stop coming? You think you have dealt with it all only to be hit with another massive punch. It'd be foolish for me to believe that this is the worst that is ever going to happen to me. Oh, far from it, I'm sure. Life has more in store for me, without a doubt. I just have to allow myself to continue to grow. I have to know that I can manage my way through the hardship, no matter what else is going on around me. No matter the world, no matter the people in it, no matter my loneliness, no matter how abandoned I feel.

I bought a book, probably two years ago when I was actually happy, called Bounce Back. I must have known that I would need it someday. Again, life isn't pretty all the time. A lesson I had already learned and one that I am continuing to learn. It's being beaten into my pea-brain! When you're falling, dive, says the book, the quote credited to Joseph Campbell. Dive. Plunge.

It's easy to be your strongest, highest self when things are rolling along smoothly. But how you handle life's setbacks and traumas reveals your authentic character. If you can be strong during challenging times, then... well, you truly ARE a disciplined and spirited person. And this identity makes you not only a very cool person but a very happy person.


Don't you just love books? Like music, they always have the words that I need, when I need them most.

So I wasn't strong or disciplined when challenges presented themselves to me during the semester. Son of a biscuit, eh? But there is no point dwelling on the past, not unless I'm conjuring up plans on how to avoid repeating my mistakes. It is time to be a forward thinker. Forward. Carry on, carry on. I am going to be strong and I am going to be happy. Nothing and nobody can take my happiness away unless I allow it. Dammit, I am not going to allow it. No way, no how.

I know how amazing I am. It's nice to have people tell me that I'm amazing. Cent, my parents, my brother. It's even nicer to tell myself that, though. I am an amazing person. I deserve happiness. I am going to keep smiling and helping and dancing and loving.

And I'm gonna go to a Rangers game. I am. Michael Young is Mexican.

Nerves

So much for pretending that nobody read my "Honest" blog post. Over fifty views... Wowzers!

My immediate future lies in what happens tomorrow morning. Either I will be given the chance to stay at school or I will be dismissed and left to think of what my next move should be. To say that I am nervous is an understatement, although I'm not entirely sure what I am nervous about. I have had several days to let the reality of my situation sink in and to stop being depressed about it. I have accepted that while it sucks (really REALLY sucks), my life will not be entirely based on this one tribulation. I have to come back fighting and I have to choose to be happy, regardless of what tomorrow's outcome is.

I think what I'm really nervous about is simply standing there, in front of my professors, taking their questions, wondering what they're thinking about me. It is going to be brutal, ohmigoodness, I can't believe I have put myself in this situation!

Now is not the time to be discouraged.

Go in there and be honest, Daisy. Let them know that you have learned from your mistakes and refuse to repeat them. Express how badly you want to stay. Remember how much you love animals and let that love get you through whatever happens tomorrow morning. Do not give up on yourself. Be strong, maintain your composure, and believe in yourself.

Whatever happens happens, right? Everything happens for a reason, right? I just have to make the most of it and come out on top.

I can do this.

The Hill by Marketa Irglova

Walking up the hill tonight
when you have closed your eyes.
I wish I didn't have to make
all those mistakes and be wise.
Please try to be patient
and know that I'm still learning.
I'm sorry that you have to see
the strength inside me burning.

But where are you my angel now?
Don't you see me crying?
And I know that you can't do it all
but you can't say I'm not trying.
I'm on my knees in front of him
but he doesn't seem to see me.
With all his troubles on his mind
he's looking right through me.
And I'm letting myself down
By satisfying you
And I wish that you could see
that I have my troubles too.

Looking at you sleeping
I'm with the man I know.
I'm sitting here weeping
while the hours pass so slow.
And I know that in the morning
I'll have to let you go
and you'll be just a man
once I used to know.
But for these past few days
someone I don't recognize.
This isn't all my fault.
when will you realize?

Looking at you leaving, I'm looking for a sign

Honest

Blogger has changed and I am not quite "getting" the changes made.

Regardless, it's time for me to spill. Not just a vague spill like the last one I made. I mean a spill with excruciating details that won't be easy for me to disclose. I feel that I should just do it, though. If I end up regretting it, I'll just make it private and pretend no one read it. [insert sheepish smile]

Where do I start?

I should just throw it out there. I might get kicked out of vet school. The powers that be at school put it a bit more nicely, though. I am going to be dismissed. I had less-than-spectacular grades going into finals, but I planned to kick ass on my exams and be fine. I was going to bring those grades up and move on to my second year. That did not happen. Far from it. I choked. Big time. My crummy grades are unacceptable and so... I'm done.

There is one tiny little opportunity to stay, but it depends on my professors and my ability to persuade them that I not only deserve to stay, but that I also won't repeat the mess that I made this past semester. Honestly, though, I just need to get my shit together. I was homesick, my relationship with Dustin felt strained (it's even worse now), and then my Mom went to the hospital. It was more than I could handle, apparently, which sucks. Grrrr, I wish I could have been stronger. I should have been stronger! Dammit dammit dammit.

When I found out, when I first saw my grades, I felt my world fall apart. Actually, all throughout last week, the week of finals, I was stressed beyond reason. My poor family had to deal with me. So did Dustin. How many times did I call him crying and feeling defeated? How many times did he try to get me to snap out of it? How many times did I bring him down with me? Too many. Now he's so distant. I waited seven weeks to see him, I missed him miserably for seven weeks, only to have to endure a cold reunion.

I really did feel ruined when I saw my grades. If I think too much about it, I still do. I cried. And cried and cried and cried. I stayed in bed, I stopped eating, I couldn't smile or laugh or enjoy anything. I expressed all of this to Dustin. Dustin who's in Dallas living his own life, but having to deal with the wreck that I had become, not knowing when I would be okay again. I drained him. I was unfair, I thought that he could handle me in what is without a doubt the lowest point in my life. I can't even handle myself, why should I expect him to handle me? So then, I felt as though I had ruined my relationship too. Seriously, life. Butcher everything all at once, why don't you? Might as well.

Dustin tells me not to focus too much on our relationship and that I should focus on school. Really? How can I not focus on something that is also supposed to be a part of my future? It made me happy too. It was a huge part of me. Am I supposed to ignore that? I am a romantic, I always have been, and I told him this from the very beginning! I'm losing that romance and it hurts. No more kisses. No more hugs. No flowers, smiles, holding hands, compliments. No affection. It's a bitch to lose that.

It's not easy.

I'm taking the steps necessary to try to stay in school. The verdict will be given to me on Wednesday morning. I honestly haven't thought of anything beyond that. Right now, I don't know what I'll be doing next week, the rest of the summer, the rest of the year. I don't know where I'll be. I don't know if Dustin and I will still be together. It's such a strange position to be in. I'm in limbo.

All I want is to be happy. I think that I need to be in vet school to be happy. I think that I need to be planning a future with Dustin to be happy. I can find happiness elsewhere, though, right? Happiness surrounds us. There is still so much that is wonderful in this world. There are other dreams to dream, there are other opportunities, redemption will come eventually.

I know I need to be patient, strong, and hopeful. I need to keep finding the joy in life. I need to absorb everything that I do have left and let it all fulfill my battered little heart.

I'll be okay. I keep telling myself that I will be okay. Honestly, I'm starting to believe it.

Thanks for reading. Leave me a comment? This is a formal plea for some much-needed encouragement. Thank you again.

-Daisy

My current state

I just want to be held.
I want to be loved.
I want to be romanced.
I want to feel needed.
I feel that everything in my life is falling apart and I don't know how I'm going to come out of it.
I'm the definition of a loser, I'm losing so much.
I have ruined things.
I want to fix things, I really do.
I need to fix things if I'm ever going to be happy again.
I feel that my happiness isn't in my own hands.
There is only so much I can "control."
I've never even had control.
How do I fill this vast empty feeling in me?
I don't want to feel so lost.
I love him so much, but I've been bringing him down.
I've been so terrible.
I worked so hard to get where I am, only to ruin it in a matter of weeks.
I have never been so disappointed in myself.
I want redemption.
I need the opportunity to redeem myself.
I want my Dustin.
I want to make him happy again.
I want us both to be happy again.

I had it all.

Late night thoughts

Where did my confidence go? When I was an undergrad, I used to take pride in how late I would stay up studying. Now, all I can think of is how sleep-deprived I'm going to be for the next few days. Back then, I used to say things like, "I'm gonna kick that exam's ass!" Now, it's more like, "Please, oh please, be nice to me!" I felt like such a bad-ass as an undergrad, failure never crossed my mind. What happened? That is one thing I didn't want to grow out of!

I wasn't done

I feel that I have no one to talk to. I would love to talk to my Mom and hear some encouragement from her, but I know she would only worry and feel terrible that she wasn't able to stay with me this week like we had planned. When I say "talk" I actually mean cry. I need someone to cry to. I hate crying at times like this because I feel so weak and ungrateful. I should be glad that I'm in vet school, even if it means having no life because I'm studying my ass off for exams. The truth is that I am absolutely drained. I almost feel hopeless. I know I can do it, I know I can get the grades, but the things I have to go through to get them? So draining.

I'm just tired. So tired. A nap would be nice, but I am too restless to actually take one.

F bombs F bombs F bombs.

Finals

My poor brain and my poor body. I am going to put them both through hell this week.

It's a good thing that I stay healthy otherwise.

I have been studying since nine o'clock this morning and my brain would really like a break, one that I'm not very willing to give it considering the fact that I have three comprehensive finals coming up this week. I ate half a sandwich earlier and that's all I've had all day, because who can really eat at times of stress? I slept for six hours last night and that will more than likely be the most sleep I get all week. I am just a mess.

I keep telling myself to just push through this shitty week, to beat myself up because the grades are worth it and because after this week, I'll have a long summer to recover in Dallas with the ones I love.

So don't stop now, Daisy gal. Keep on going, stay as strong as you can, get through this no matter how tired you are. Things will be so much better in just four days!

Frustrated.

I'm frustrated that I'm not in Dallas with my Mom, there to give her a hug when she wakes up.

I'm frustrated that I'm not at the hospital asking her doctor all the questions that everyone else won't think to ask.

I'm frustrated that I can't be alone with my thoughts all day, so by the time I get home from school, every wild emotion in me has built up and I end up being a total wreck.

Quick cry, then getting it back together. Only nine days until I'm home.

I'll just blog about it.

I don't even know why I blog sometimes. It's not as if I can put everything I am feeling into words. Any attempt to do so will be utterly feeble.

Finals are coming up and all I do with my spare time is study and take care of other responsibilities, like taking care of the critters, eating, sleeping, washing, cleaning, and such. That's actually the order of my priorities. Technically, taking care of my critters is first, but I didn't list it first because it is nowhere near as time-consuming as studying is. All this studying is overwhelming and what happens is that I begin ignoring the many other things I have to do and put them off as long as I can until I absolutely have to get them done. So then I do them at very odd and inopportune times, which just throws my normal schedule off, which seems to throw my whole life off, which is not cool. Obviously.

My dear, sweet Mom was going to come help keep me sane during finals week. Just her presence and being able to hug her would be enough. I can only imagine all the positive vibes and encouragement I'd get from having her here. Not only that, but all those responsibilities I mentioned? She was going to take care of them for me! That way, I could focus entirely on studying and the study breaks that I do allow myself to take could be actual breaks and not revolve around getting other things done.

But my wonderful mommy is in the hospital. And my heart is broken. Because I want to be with her. And I can't.

I know that once she has this surgery done, she will be fine. She just has to take better care of herself like I have been telling her to do! I know that she is surrounded by all our family in Dallas and that she is not alone. I know that she is in excellent care and that she is one tough lady. I know all of this... but it doesn't change how much I want to hug her. It doesn't.

I was in class today when I got a message from my brother asking me to call him. So I left the lab and stepped outside. When he told me what happened, he sounded so calm. He told me that he debated telling me because he knew that I was already stressed with school. I kept my calm too. Momentarily. Sometimes, a girl just has to cry. Sometimes, a girl just has to leave school early to go home and cry.

Thankfully, I spoke to Mom tonight. Then I spoke to my Dustin. Then my brother, Cent, and my Dad. They all know she is going to be okay. It's crazy that they are all more worried about me. Why wouldn't they be, though? Over here alone, over here overwhelmed. I will be okay, though. We all will.

I just love my motivators.

End of another week

The rash on my neck is still on my neck. Add more hives to it, though. There are some on my right arm, right on the skin over my biceps, and some on my chest now. Nice, big, red, swollen, itchy bumps. Yay for spring? I am now almost certain that they are a result of insect bites. Those little turds must be reproducing like crazy this time of year.

Another week has gone by and, again, it was a week of hell. At school all day Monday and Tuesday, only to have to come home and study all evening and night for an exam I had to take on Wednesday. Then, school all day on Wednesday and Thursday, only to have to come home an study all evening and night for an exam on Friday.

Thankfully, my week ended well. Yesterday, I attended the first meeting of the newly formed Texas A&M College of Veterinary Medicine student chapter of the Lesbian and Gay Veterinary Medical Association. Whoo, long name, huh? I'm looking forward to becoming involved with this group. All the other groups/organizations that I am a member of are professional/medical organizations. This is more of a social group, I believe. And I mean social as in we will hopefully have social gatherings and not just learning/volunteering gatherings, but social as in it involving social issues. Needless to say, I'm happy that this organization is getting going. We even elected officers yesterday!

After the meeting, I was off to take that exam I mentioned. I rocked it: 48/50, which is pretty much the equivalent of making As on two and a half quizzes (because there is so much weight on this exam). Go me.

Fridays, I get to come home early. I was back at my place by 2PM and ended up taking a (well-deserved) long, glorious nap! Oh, how I miss taking naps and not feeling guilty about it. The truth is that I wouldn't survive without taking naps every now and then, but they're usually short and I don't enjoy them very much. If I do take a long nap, I simply wake up feeling as though I have wasted too much time. Bummer, eh?

Unfortunately, as wonderful as my day was, it didn't end well. This is because I can't be happy when someone I love tremendously is very unhappy. I wish I could make things better, but I don't know how. All I know is that I hope we can make it through these final two weeks... Then I'll be home...

stuff on my mind

If it wasn't for facebook and my oversharing of photos, people I have met here in College Station would probably think that I've made Dustin up, that he's an imaginary boyfriend. I mean, he's never around. I don't think he has met anyone new in Dallas (since he was already there), but if he had, they'd think the same about me. I'm just a made-up girlfriend. I have been home only twice this entire semester.

The weather today was overcast and a bit cooler than it has been in recent weeks. I didn't appreciate it. This morning I woke up with a terrible, ugly and itchy rash on my neck. According to WebMD, it was caused by either insect bites or they're hives caused by allergens. I don't know what the hell it is, I just wish it'd go away.

So today just felt "off" and so has this entire evening. I talked to Dustin for a little while on the phone, but we didn't really do much talking. All I want to do is go to bed and hope for a more stimulating tomorrow.

Nearing the end

Less than three weeks to go!

I am a horrible blogger because there are always at least twenty things ahead of blogging on the list that I keep in my brain of things to be done. My poor fried brain. It's getting too old for this. Good thing I didn't wait any longer to apply to this school. Good thing I was accepted on my first attempt!

Today was a good day. Not a spectacular day, by any means, but good in comparison to the draining days that seem to have become the norm in my life. Today was the Vet School's Open House. I volunteered selling food this morning. I did the selling, the money-handling, because if they let me get too close to the food, I'd probably burn something or eat it. The money we made goes towards our class and when people realized that, they started donating to us! Some people would donate their fifty-cent change. One woman donated her eighteen-dollar change! Wow. The generosity of people really lifts my spirits. The excitement of children, their desire to learn, their enthusiasm for veterinary medicine and animals... that did it too. So did the many people who congratulated us for choosing this profession.

I needed that. I truly did. It was enough to inspire me to come straight home and pretty much study all day. Well, after the Texas Rangers game, that is. I can't wait to go to one this summer.

Thoughts of summer need to be put on hold for now. I really need to focus... Less than three weeks to go. Oh muh lawd!

Winding down

How did I let myself get so down last week? Where did it all come from? Where was my hope and my pride? I tried my best to dig for it, but I just couldn't find it. Or maybe I just wasn't letting it flourish. I let so much time go to waste... Such a damn shame.

No matter now because I am better. Less than five weeks until the semester ends and although there is so much to learn and do in those five weeks, optimism is finding its way back to me.

I only have one more torturous anatomy exam left to take. I have three demonstrations to make: how to palpate a horse, how to do a physical exam on a dog with the client present, and how to perform a neurological exam on a dog. I can do it... I am so much better at the hands-on things than I am at the boring study-retain-and-spit-out-information-for-a-grade stuff.

Of course, that is not all that is left to do. I still have to learn the anatomy of ruminants (animals with four stomachs such as cows, goats, and sheep). I have numerous lecture exams and finals to take, several lab exams, several quizzes, assignments, blah blah blah. Life of a student.

Five weeks...

Today

Everything has its price. You love and love, but then you miss and miss. The best feeling in the world transformed into a very low feeling.

It really pisses me off. It didn't at first, but now it does.

FUCK. Just fuck.

The Hunger Games

I read the first book over Winter Break and was hooked. I immediately searched for the trailer online, found it, and started counting down the days until March 23rd. Suzanne Collins was so descriptive when writing about her post-apocalyptic world and its inhabitants... When I watched the trailer, I realized that Panem was being depicted just as my imaginative little mind pictured it to be. I was beyond excited.

Thankfully, like the book and like the trailer, the movie did not disappoint. As always, the book is better, but that can be said about all films adapted from books. As I was watching it, I felt that it was much more moving because I read the book. I already knew the characters and empathized with them. I not only knew what they were thinking and feeling, but also knew why they were thinking and feeling those things, something that can't be translated to film.

Changes and things I noticed:

• The mockingjay pin was given to Katniss by a woman at The Hob. Therefore, Madge was cut from the film. I don't know how this will carry over to the next film, since Madge becomes one of Katniss's only friends and because of the jealousy Katniss feels when she thinks Madge and Gale are becoming close.
• The avox girl was cut out. A source of guilt and agony for Katniss, but also a source of forgiveness. 
• I felt that Cinna's role was cut short. Cinna became one of the only people Katniss felt she could trust, but that wasn't established well in the film.
• The history of the mockingjay was never explained. What the hell is a mockingjay if you haven't read the book? Also, the fate of District 13 was never brought up either.
• She found water way too quickly in the movie. Dehydration was a huge issue in the book.
• The muttations. The one thing I was actually disappointed about. When I read the book, I was so shocked about their likeness to fallen tributes. I couldn't wait to actually see them! Booooooo!
• Cato didn't suffer long in the movie. It was such a gut-wrenching thing to read, but not as bad to watch in the film.
• You don't get a sense of what Katniss feels while kissing Peeta. How she thinks about Gale. Or how Rue reminds her of Prim.
• Gale's background wasn't explained either. There is no mention about his father being killed in the same mine explosion that killed Katniss's father.
• Katniss's relationships with her father and with Gale were brushed off in the movie.
• Katniss felt she owed Peeta something because of the bread. That was never touched on.
• There was no mention about how squeamish Katniss was about injuries and sick people.
• The time in the training center was hurried. You don't get a good sense of all the stations that were available to the tributes. Nor do you realize how long Katniss and Peeta had to wait before showing off their skills to the gamemakers.

I am just way too observant. :)

I did love it, though! I can't wait to watch it again, I can't wait to finish reading Mockingjay, and I certainly can't wait to watch Catching Fire!

How it is

The problem with breaks from school is that I go to Dallas and have incredible times. Life is grand and worry-free. I come back here and miss it all so much. It's almost unbearable. What's sad is that I don't think about it at all while I'm at school. I leave home at around seven in the morning and don't return until close to six. The entire time that I'm away, all I can think is about how badly I want the day to end so that I can go home.

Then I come home. And my loneliness consumes me.

My best friends aren't just a few miles away. My cousins aren't down or across the street. My mom isn't here to hug me and ask me if I'm hungry. I don't get to kiss Dustin hello after a long, tiring day.

I know, I know. It will all be worth it when I'm a doctor, and believe me, this is where I want to be. I just wish all the ones I love were here with me.

To end on a positive note... One more thing I'm thankful for: coming home to Canelo, Cholula, Miguel, and Smartie. I'd be a complete mess without my beloved babies, that's for sure.

La la la

Today, I am happy because:

1. I didn't have to stay at school as late as I thought I was going to.
2. The thunderstorms only lasted until noon and not all day so hopefully, Canelo's day wasn't too rough.
3. I saw a cute little calf scratch her ear with her hind leg today. I had never seen one do that before... It was adorable!
4. I get to eat some of my Mom's home cooking for dinner tonight. I brought it back with me from Dallas!
5. No large animal anatomy lab tomorrow.

Thank you, life!

Things I am thankful for this morning

1. It's not cold.
2. I have a great learning opportunity lined up for me this summer.
3. I get to go home during my lunch break today.
4. I only have three quizzes and one assignment due this week.
5. My hair and make-up look good.

All alone on a Sunday night

Sometimes, I feel that it isn't fair. Other girls, my classmates, the ones in long-term relationships. The ones in serious relationships. Their boyfriends, fiancees, and husbands moved to the area with them when they started vet school. Others were already here. Others are no more than an hour away. They get to see them everyday. If not, at least every weekend.

I go weeks without seeing Dustin and it makes me sad. I want him here with me, making me happy like he did all throughout my Spring Break.

I know better than to feel sorry for myself, though.

I just felt like writing.

Spring Break to-do list

In no particular order:

1. Go on a picnic.
2. Fly a kite.
3. Visit cousin's new store, Downtown Pawz
4. Go thrifting
5. Have a drink at Billiard Bar, 1st & 10, or Cock & Bull
6. Hang out with as many cousins as possible
7. Finish reading the Hunger Games trilogy
8. Run on the Santa Fe Trail
9. Have a meal at Grandma's
10. Figure certain things out
11. Celebrate best friend's birthday
12. Cook with the boyfriend
13. If there is sun, soak it in!

Happy, happy, happy

A quick trip to Dallas has put me in the a wonderfully happy mood. I am in love with life right now and with all the special people who play a role in mine.

My Mom greeted me so warmly as soon as she stepped through the door of her house (she wasn't home when I arrived) and immediately asked if there was anything that I needed or wanted. My grandparents were thrilled to see me when I walked over to their house and very enthusiastically started telling me about all the little quirks they have noticed in their newly adopted dog. My little cousins asked me about school, about where I live, and how my critters are doing. Dustin was as sweet and accommodating as ever. He never fails to show me just how much he loves me.

Now, I'm back in College Station, waiting to fall asleep so that I can begin what is sure to be another hectic week of school. With this great attitude and sense of joy, though, I'm sure I'll make my way through it just fine.

I should add that there are several people that I love and miss, but was not able to see during my expedited trip. Not to worry, brave little heart of mine. Next week brings you Spring Break and plenty of time to show your love and gratitude to the people who keep you happy and full.

Life is grand.

Marching into March

I have obviously given up on the 365 Project. The purpose of it was for me to have a creative outlet and to pay better attention to my surroundings. My life is so monotonous, though, and I am always in such a hurry, that I didn't feel there was enough for me to photograph. Actually, there isn't enough time for me to explore and find things to photograph. Oh well. I'll keep trying, though. Whenever I do capture something good, I'll share it.

I want to write so much right now, but as always, I have too much to do and too little time to do it in. I need to finish my laundry, clean a little, pack some things up, and head to Dallas. I haven't been home since January. I haven't been out of flippin' College Station since January! Believe me when I say that I need out!

So out I go!

And yes, I am ridiculously happy that March is here and that spring and summer are finally returned to me. I am aware that the winter was mild and that there wasn't much for me to complain about, but regardless, the days were still short and cloudy. I need my sunshine! And the mornings were still too cold and not as pleasant as I like them. Oh... Welcome, spring! This little daisy is thrilled that you are back!

Study study

Colorful pens and highlighters are essential.

I'd rather be sleeping.

Sometimes, veterinary medicine isn't very exciting.

Womp womp

My bike rides aren't enjoyable anymore and it makes me very sad. I need a new bicycle. BADLY. The one I have is meant for slow, easy pleasure rides. I need one to take on the streets and get me where I need to be. So I guess I'll have to put my pretty pink bike up for sale, cross my fingers that someone will actually buy it, and buy an appropriate (more expensive) bicycle. When this will all happen, I don't know. It sucks not having an income.

The only positive thing to come out of my ride today was my photo for today. Baseball will be here soon.

Too cold. Too cold.

Been indoors most of the day because it's nice and cozy in here. Also, I had some major cleaning to do. Any week that's crazy-busy (as in multiple exams, quizzes, and due assignments) makes for a messy apartment because keeping it clean is the last thing I care about. Time is to precious, y'all.

So here's an unoriginal photo similar to one I've posted before.

Relax!

After a long week of exams, quizzes, and homework, it's nice to just chill all night long with the ones I love. Happy weekend, y'all!

Nap time

On days when I can barely keep my eyes open during class, it's best to hop on over to the library. They have remarkably comfortable couches here, perfect for naps. :)

One of those nights

There's not much to photograph and I'm too busy studying anyhow.

Super Bowl Sunday

End of the day

Get out!

Why aren't these benches full? Why don't people congregate outside during breaks? Why choose to be spend your free time indoors when you are forced to be inside the rest of the day? Eh. At least I enjoyed my lunch break. :)

Day made!

This is something Dustin drew/wrote in one of my notebooks while I was home over the weekend. I found it this morning as I was taking notes for my anatomy class... It pretty much made my day!

Mexican

There is something about Mexican sodas that make me feel at home. Same thing with Mexican chips and candies. They're the things I've loved since I was little. They're things that I used to be able to have only when I was in Mexico. Now, they sell them here and it makes me happy.

A day at Dustin's

Spent the day at Dustin's, like I did during that break that seems so long ago. While I studied, he took a computer monitor apart. Aren't we adorable?

Dallas bound!

Actually, we have been in Dallas for several hours now and that's why this photo is so late. We were stopped at a gas station in Hearne on our way back to the city that birthed us!

Daisy daisy, up with the morning dew

At 6AM, while most people are sleeping, I am outside walking Canelo Dog. The only things I hear are the jingling of Canelo's tags, the sound of his nails against the concrete sidewalk, my own footsteps, the chirping of the birds, and the obnoxious train, which is just as loud in the wee hours of the morning as it is throughout the entire day. Everybody else is still in bed (at least everyone who lives in my apartment complex). I always feel that Canelo and I are the first to emerge into each and every weekday. With 8 o'clock classes Monday through Friday, we can't help it. We even wake up before the sun does! How unnatural is that?!

I don't enjoy winter mornings too much. They're actually quite miserable. Remind me to enjoy spring mornings when they get here and remind me to take pictures of spring mornings so that I can compare them to this mess of a picture.

When I'd rather be in bed.

Shelter from the storm?

I promise that when the weather is nicer, not as cold and miserable, I will be more willing to whip my (phone) camera out and take pictures of the beautiful outdoors. For now, photos that I take at home will have to do.

This morning's weather was simply awful. I woke up ten minutes before my alarm went off because Canelo Dog was trying to hide under the bed, which could only mean one thing... Thunderstorms. I rolled out of bed, put a jacket on, put my rainboots on, dressed Canelo in his rain jacket, strapped him into his harness, grabbed an umbrella and out we went. I knew that if there was any hope for me to get him outside to take care of his business, I had to try immediately. The longer I wait, the more anxious he becomes, and the less willing he is to go outside. Since I wouldn't be home until after five, I just HAD to get him to go.

He did well, did what he had to do and came right back inside, straight to my closet. Before leaving to grab the bus to school, I went into the closet to check on him. That's this photo.

Pretty clothes = safety?

Canelo had it good, nice and comfy, albeit scared, in my closet. I left to stand out on the sidewalk and wait for the bus. It was merely drizzling at this point, but I could hear the thunder in the distance. By the time the bus made its way around the route and onto campus, the storm was right on us. I had to get off the bus and make my way about a block and a half to the next bus stop, so that I could ride to the vet school. My raincoat and umbrella were no match for the weather monster. It was raining so heavily and the wind was blowing it on me from all directions. It took about fifteen seconds of walking in that rain for me to be entirely soaked from head to ankle. Had it not been for my rainboots, I may as well have jumped in a large body of water. That's how drenched I was. My socks stayed dry, though, and when I made it to campus, I changed into a set of scrubs that I had been keeping in my locker.

What a morning!

Groggy day

Sometimes, I lack creativity or vision or inspiration or motivation. So here's a photo of my apartment. That's all the effort I was willing to put into my 365 project today.

Daisy Cooks!

I have a pantry full of cooking goods because, at twenty-seven, I have finally decided to give cooking a try. I have sort of been forced to do so since I don't have anyone who will make delicious food for me anymore and since I'm trying to stick to a vegan diet. This is good, though. Also, I am aware that there is a "Daisy Martinez" who is famous for her culinary skills... Whatev. Bet she can't rock physical exams on animals like I can! Boom!

What the hell is stone ground mustard?

A gorgeous day could not go to waste

Midway through today, I became aggravated because I was well aware that the weather outside was perfect, yet I was stuck inside studying. It kinda ticked me off. A few minutes later, I was packing my books and pens in a bag, calling Canelo to get leashed up, and heading out the door to go to study at the park. It was just what I needed.

Here's Canelo Dog, my awesome companion, chilling underneath the picnic table that I was studying at. He enjoyed the weather too, I feel. It was perfect.

My boy.

Thoughts to end the day.

Facebook did not only lead me to finding the love of my life, it has also provided me with very happy moments. Tonight, I saw a friend share of photo that was pro-gay marriage. I had no idea at all that this person supported equal rights! It made me very happy, to say the least. After reading hateful comments on the photo, I ended up posting my own opinions, regardless of the fact that what I wrote would pop up on that stupid instant news feed on the side and that others would be able to see it. Who cares, though, right? Why should I care? I always tell myself that whatever I post on Facebook is okay, because out of all the people who can read it, the only person I truly care about is my Mom. This got me thinking...

A few months ago, I posted a photo of myself wearing a purple shirt in support of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgenders. In the caption, I explained that that was the reason I was wearing the shirt. Mom saw it, of course, and left me what I just realized is the best comment that has ever been written to me. She wrote that I am a great person, with a wonderful heart, and that I am beautiful in many ways, but especially because of how loving I am towards others, including those who don't receive love elsewhere, and that she was proud of me.

Is that not the greatest thing? Now, any random person could tell me those things and I would be all sorts of flattered, but coming from her? Really: the greatest thing.

Anyhow, here's my 365 photo for today. Last night, I was practicing my future signature and came to the conclusion that Maxwell isn't very fun to sign. Maybe you can tell how much I struggled and maybe you will notice that towards the end, I started to include DVM after my name. Ah, I have quite a future to look forward to. I will be Ms. Daisy Martinez no more... I will be DR. DAISY MAXWELL!

Letter 'X' how I loathe you.

No light at the end, just stairs

There is a tunnel, under the ground, it actually runs underneath a busy street here in College Station. A convenient thing. It connects the vet school building with the Medical Science Library (where I do most of my studying during breaks between classes and on weekends). On any given day, you'll find vet students walking up and down this thing. Today is Friday, though. Classes are out early on Friday and most students don't stay to study. Imagine that. So I was able to get this photo without that awkward moment of having a person think I am taking a picture of him or her. TGIF

Mustard, I love you!

Vegetarian corn dogs: delicious and animal-friendly. It's a double win. I had to wear a bib made out of napkins to eat this. Oh, but I thoroughly enjoyed it!

Nom nom nom.

Boring day

There are some days that completely lack excitement and today was one of them. The only exciting part of today was supposed to be eating a free lunch by attending a school meeting. I ended up hating the food and not eating very much of it. Some dishes are meant to have meat in them. You can't simply prepare them without the meat and expect them to be just as good! Even drenched in soy sauce it was bland. Oh well.

This brand of soy sauce will always make me smile because it reminds me of a time when I was about ten and my brother was about 12. My dad took us out for lunch and was being goofy, making us laugh the whole time. It was just the three of us. Dad was always good about taking my brother and me places, making sure we spent quality time with him and that we enjoyed life. I can not say it enough: I have wonderful parents.

So although today was a blah day, at least I was reminded of a much better and special day. We shall see what tomorrow brings.

Elmyra

"I'm gonna hug you and kiss you and love you forever!"

That's what Elmyra from Tiny Toons would say to all the animals she would find and keep. It was hilarious.

Dustin and I went to his parents' house during the break to look through box after box of old toys. When this one surfaced, I told his mom that when I was little, I would sometimes be called Elmyra because of how much I loved animals myself. His mom told me to keep this toy and it's sitting on my bookcase now. Regardless of what Dustin thinks, I intend for it to be part of my future home's decor somehow. Coming from Dustin's mom and being a reminder of my wonderful childhood and the fact that I've always loved animals? I love it. It's the simple little gifts that mean the most and make me happy.

Tiny and toony.

Snotty

This is a page of class notes from the Embryology course I'm taking. That spot towards the bottom of the page is whatever came out of Smartie's nose whenever she sneezed in my direction. It's sweet that she sits on the table or on her cat tree, which is practically next to the table, and just watches me study. Sometimes she'll even come over and play with my hair. Other times, she'll sit on my books, something I take as a sign that I need to take a study break. And then there are times when she sneezes all over me and my school things. Silly girl. 

With love, from Smartie

She isn't sick, mind you. She simply has chronic nasal discharge and sneezes all the time. Yes, she's been examined by veterinarians. Nothing can be done except to dope her up on antihistamines, which I don't always like to do because she gets so drowsy. What I am hoping is that once I am a doctor myself, or even while I am a student here, I can figure out what gives. Until then, I just try to make her comfortable, cleaning her nose all the time with a bulb syringe... And letting her sneeze all over me and my things. What other person would allow that? I'm so glad I adopted my baby girl.

One week back

Eventually the photos I took while I was in Dallas will be pushed off the main page, replaced by all the photos I have been taking here in College Station. It almost makes me sad. What's worse is that I have no idea when I will be back in Dallas, or when I will see the people I miss so much again. I do know that I will be seeing my Dad next weekend. He's bringing me a couch that Dustin is giving to... us. He's giving it to me, but in reality it'll be ours because, let's face it, in a few years we'll be living together. Back to the point, I get to see my Dad in a few days! Yaaaaaaay!

I am so unbelievably happy that tomorrow is a holiday that the university actually gives us (unlike Labor Day). I spent yesterday doing busy work and I spent today studying. Hopefully, I can relax a little tomorrow, although I will more than likely freak out about not studying and get back to it. Can't help it sometimes.

Yup. Back at it.

Live from College Station

It's Saturday night! And I'm at home, at the Critter Castle, waiting to get sleepy so I can go to bed. I spent the day cleaning, dusting, washing, wiping, scooping, sweeping. Once I was done with that, I did a bit of reading and studying. Needless to say, I'm done with today and not wanting to do anything else. I barely remembered to do this! I'm thinking a movie and a fruit bar are calling my name...

Here's Smartie making her first appearance in my 365 project. Just like a cat, fascinated by water drops. I love my pretty baby!

Pretty pretty meow meow kitty!

Two birds, one stone

Remember that other idea I came across? The one about taking what's in my closet and coming up with outfits that I have never worn before? Remember when I stated that I would post photos of those outfits as part of my 365 photography project? No? Well, here's my first outfit post anyhow!

I have had this dress for at least three years. It came from Target. The button-down shirt I have had for about two. It was rescued from a thrift store (that's what you do when you buy second-hand... You rescue something and allow it to be fabulous again!). The boots were a gift from my Dad, the leg warmers I bought at Forever 21, and the tights are just tights. I would have never considered wearing this outfit prior to the hours I spent perusing fashion blogs during my winter break, but I love it! Even with the heavy boots I felt super pretty and Zooey Deschanel-y wearing this. Oh, yes. I am going to thoroughly enjoy trying to be creative with my clothes. I already love it.

So here's the photo. Hmmph. The thing is that as far as the fashion challenge goes, I excelled today. As for the photo project, not so much. I will have to find a better way to photograph my outfits. Still excited, though.

Narcissism.

By the way, killing birds with stones or any other object is so not cool. Be kind to animals, y'all.

Cozy Castle

It's a quiet night at my apartment. TV and music are both off as I just got out of the shower. The critters are all cozied up throughout our little castle (er, the apartment I referred to earlier). Really, I want to turn this lamp off and just go to bed. It's too early for that, though. Two hours. Two hours, then I will be all wrapped up in my blankets drifting off to dream land. Aahhh.