Towards the end

We are finally in that post-Halloween period when I feel I have nothing to look forward to other than the arrival of spring. Last year and the year before, I kept reminding myself that I had the end to look forward to. Dustin's birthday on December 29th, our anniversary on the 30th, and New Year's Eve on the 31st.

Things have not looked so promising this year.

First of all, several days ago, celebrating his birthday and our anniversary were both events I was going to remove from my calendars. I broke up with the guy, not because I was being brash and overly dramatic, but because I felt that I truly needed to. I would rather not go into all the details here, but I will state that overall, things just did not feel right in our relationship. Then he wrote something that I truly wish I was not thinking about right now because here I go feeling angry about it again...

[pause]

That just pushed me over the edge and I was done. Then he kept trying to talk to me even though I was refusing to reply to his text messages. That got annoying. Honestly, I think the main reason I even agreed to talk to him was because I wanted to get things off my chest. It wasn't because I wanted to work on things, really. Still, I have so many feelings and emotions invested in him that I thought it would be worth it to give our relationship another try.

It's weird. That's all I will say about it.

Anyhow, as of now, I do have his birthday and our anniversary to look forward to, as well as six crazy weeks of work. I have actually taken to twitter to complain about how much I'll be working. Silly me.

Yes, I will be exhausted; yes, I would rather spend time with the people/critters I love; yes, it's going to be brutal. I have to spin these thoughts in a positive direction, though, and so I am left thinking this: I am a bad ass. Plain and simple. Only bad asses can handle everything I have going on without falling a part just a bit. Right? Right.

Even bad asses need their sleep, however. Off I go!

The perks of being a daisy flower

Every now and then, it hits me just how much I love Dustin. I love him for being who he is, but I am also hit with just how much he loves me, and I love him even more for that. Almost three years into our relationship and he still tells me that he loves me multiple times throughout the day. He wishes me sweet dreams each and every night. Sometimes, he tells me that I'm gorgeous and that he is proud of me. It's an amazing feeling, knowing that a person who was a complete stranger throughout your entire life has grown to love and cherish you in a relatively short amount of time. I hope he realizes that I feel the same way about him and that my life is better because of him and because I am in love.

It's a gloomy day today. The sun has not made an appearance what with low clouds hanging about. After running a few errands this morning and early afternoon, I now find myself at home wanting to simply relax. Relaxation will be hard to come by these next few months as I will be training to become an on-call technician. What this means is that every other week, I can be called upon to go to work after-hours if there is an emergency. After-hours are as follows: weekdays after 4PM and weekends, of course. So in just over an hour, I have to be glued to the phone in case I am needed.

This will go on through December, I believe. Oh dear.

So, I can't really bring myself to relax now that it's almost four. I'm working on laundry and may read for a little while. Two nights ago, I realized (through Facebook) that several friends have watched the film adaptation of The Perks of Being a Wallflower. As a result, I started to read it again. It has been an interesting re-read.

When I first read the book, I was a lonesome 19-year-old girl whose closest friends all lived miles and miles away due to her being in college. All the boys I crushed on had girlfriends who I thought were much cuter than me. I didn't know how to do my makeup and I hated my hair. I was quiet, but observant. I focused on school and sleeping and was hardly social at all. When I did have time to spare, I wanted to listen to music, make the best mixed cds, and read as many books as I possibly could. That was my life and it was the reason I related to the characters in Perks so well, even if my experiences were not as extreme as theirs.

Reading the book again takes me back to that time and I remember why I was so happy to have discovered this literary masterpiece. I am halfway through it now and I am actually even happier to have rediscovered it. Perspective. I do realize that I have really made my life happen and have long left my awkward teenager phase. There are times when I feel dissatisfied with things, no doubt, but I am pleased with the person I have become, the relationships that I have built and kept, and the way I spend my time. Honestly, I feel very accomplished and look forward to the future as much as ever. Such progress!

Incidentally, if you haven't read the book I'll inform you that it is written as a series of letters that the main character writes to a friend whom he does not even know. A stranger. The way it was written inspired me to blog because I felt that, in essence, I would be doing the same. Telling my story to anonymous strangers only it would be via the world wide web. It became therapeutic for me to write and I have been hooked ever since, although I do not write as much as I originally did. I guess I really have grown. Less "therapy" is now needed.

What a day. What thoughts and what memories. Thanks for reading.

Love,
Daisy

September post!

Well, friends, the times have been busy times. September was full of fun, work, school, and creativity. September was full of friends, family, critters, and my dude.

I had my hair colored for the first time. I went to Midnight Yell, Pride, Oktoberfest, and The Ballpark. I painted, I sewed, I volunteered, and I ran in my first race. School is in full-swing. Work is work. At least forty glorious hours a week. Lots of football and baseball.

October promises not to slow down. Work will be more intense as I start training to become an on-call technician. My super-accelerated class will end, accompanied by a final exam, and a new class will begin subsequently. The State Fair has arrived and I have to go at least twice. Haunted houses, girlfriends? Macbeth at Addison Circle Park, Dustin? Veggie State Fair, anyone? Oh, and the return of The Walking Dead.

Cooler weather means more times outdoors. Oh, what a world! Life is but a dream!

I must remind myself to sleep...

Sleep.

Falling into fall

So summer is winding down, is it not? I say this because all around me, school seems to be the topic of conversation.

I have cousins gearing up for another year of high school, old coworkers registering for their last semesters of college, old friends going back to school while working full-time, former classmates returning to College Station, and other friends preparing their small children for school. Each person stressing in his or her own way, but making things happen all the same. I am actually excited for everyone -- I'm weird.

I myself am embarking on a scholastic adventure: earning a Master's degree entirely online. Lawd, help me.

Still, it is safe to say that I am glad the summer is almost over, even if this means that I will now have to devote some of my spare time to reading, homework, and studying. With summer on its way out, fall can gloriously make its entrance accompanied by so much fun to be had, I am going to need energy like none other!

Allow me to specify:

• The return of football -- Go Cowboys and gig 'em, Aggies!
• Dallas Pride on September 16th, complete with a 5K, parade, and festival
• Macbeth opens at Shakespeare Dallas on September 19th, then in Addison on October 3rd
• The State Fair of Texas, which opens September 28th
• The Index Music Festival at Trees -- October 5th-6th
• Zombie Walk in Deep Ellum on October 13th -- can't wait to dress up for that one!
• The gayest, most fabulous Halloween party on the planet: Block Party! October 27th

That's as far as I can go. After Halloween the time changes and Mr. Sun doesn't appear as much... I am less enthused. Regardless, isn't my fall shaping up to be the bestest? Can I repeat how happy I am to be spending it in Dallas and not College Station? Oh! I will also be taking sewing lessons starting next month. One of my coworkers may be joining me on that adventure. Yippeeee!

Let's just end this one on that note: Yippeeee!

Throwing stuff at life

Bored with life? Feeling stuck? Lacking hope and joy? I feel that way sometimes too, hence my post about wanting adventure. My advice to you is to not look back. Only look forward without focusing on the little things. Envision that big picture. Take time to yourself to reflect, make a list of goals, make a list of things that make you happy. Then, make those things happen. Believe in yourself. Trust that you can take matters into your own hands and convince yourself that more than anyone or anything in this world, you have a say in your degree of happiness.

Over the past several weeks, I've been hooked on Pinterest, more so than ever. Specifically, fashion and, even more specifically, vintage and retro style. Two months ago, I bought the cutest yellow vintage dress from Lula B's in Deep Ellum. Of course, being a vintage dress, it is a bit out of date with a rather long hem. If I were to wear it as it is, I'd look more grandmother-like than fashionista-like. The only solution would be to alter it... A desire to learn how to sew has been born.

The thought of being able to alter clothes to make it fit me perfectly and the idea of maybe one day making my own clothes is very thrilling. As of last week, I have started to learn how to sew. My creative energies are being put to use and it feels wonderful!

I also have very altruistic energies.

I have turned those altruistic energies to children. As with animals, I want to help children who are in need of the most attention -- this is why I once worked and volunteered at animal shelters. I do not do well in human hospitals, otherwise I would volunteer at the Children's Hospital. Instead, I have chosen to do volunteer work at a learning center for homeless children.

Last week, I attended orientation at Vogel Alcove and was briefly introduced to some of the children there. As I saw their tiny faces beaming with joy and curiosity, I realized that my life is about to change. The thoughts and emotions that ran through me are best left for another post, once I am better able to put them into words. For now, all I can say -- in the simplest of terms -- is that I am grateful for and so excited about this opportunity. It has given my restless heart something to look forward to and I couldn't be happier about it.

I guess all I am trying to say is do what you love. Do things that will satisfy your energies. Don't let your time and energy go to waste. Realize that life is what you make of it. Even though you can't always control what is thrown at you, you can control how you react to it and what you throw back at it. I have chosen to throw back some creativity and humanity.

How about you?

I want much more than this provincial life

"I want adventure in the great wide, somewhere.
I want it more than I can tell
And for once, it might be grand
To have someone understand
I want so much more than they've got planned."

Belle sang those words oh-so-beautifully in Disney's Beauty & Beast while running with arms wide open through a field behind her father's little farm, on a hill, overlooking a forest, a river, and mountains. I watched each and every Disney film released during the studio's Renaissance, and Belle was easily my favorite character from all those films.

I was seven when I met her, having learned how to read maybe a year or two prior, and already obsessed with books. Even at that age, I related to her because all I wanted to do was read. My sweet Mom took me to the public library at least once a week. If it had been up to me, however, I'd have been there everyday, much like Belle frequented the town's bookshop. It would take no more than two days for me to read the books I checked out and so I was left to re-read them until our next trip. I memorized so many books. Crazy little creature, I was.

Now as an adult, I still love to read, though it saddens me that I do not do it as often as I should. It has been a couple of months since I was absolutely consumed by a book. Still, I relate to my old friend Belle, mostly because I want adventure now. I want to travel and try unimaginable things. I want to scream from the top of my lungs from excitement that can not be contained. I want to spring my muscles into action, I want to dance out of joy in impromptu locales, I want to see animals and flowers and trees that I have never seen before.

I don't want to settle without my senses being stirred by novel sights, scents, and sounds. I want adventure anywhere and everywhere, including here in Dallas, here in Texas, here in the States. A few weeks ago, I made a trip to San Marcos and floated the Guadalupe River for the first time. That was enough of a first step to encourage me to take more. Now is the perfect time to make lasting memories.

Now is also the time to read read read. To live a thousand lives through the books that I lose myself in. And so with a clear mind and eyes and heart set on adventure, I will work to not be dulled by what is planned and expected. Life is too short for that, don't you think?

Peace

I feel that I go through life trying to make peace with everything that happens around me and everything that happens to me. I can be extremely sensitive, insanely emotional, ridiculously analytical, and my goodness, I dwell on things like none other. Such things make it difficult for me to find tranquility. However, apart from being happy, being at peace with life is another goal that I need to set out to achieve each and everyday. I need to end each day being both happy and peaceful. One day at a time. One daisy day at a time.

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend.

It's July already!

Oh, no. I said I was going to write more. Here we are over a month later and nothing. Not wanting to make excuses for myself, but here's the thing. A few things, actually:

• I started my new job and my hours are bat-shit crazy. Pardon my language.
• My computer has been down. That tech-savvy fella that I keep around (his name is Dustin) fixed it for me last weekend, though. Such joy. I bought him a steak dinner to thank him. Wait, no. That was us celebrating our two-and-a-half anniversary. I say he pays for year-anniversaries and I pay for half-years. 
• Blogging from my phone just doesn't cut it. How can I write well with such restrictions?

Here I am again, though. This last month has been a huge adjustment for me. A new job with the aforementioned crazy hours. A lot to learn, new people to learn to work with, a new schedule. I have been so busy that I didn't see my friends during the entire month of June so I miss them terribly. Thankfully, my schedule varies even more this month and I have the next two Mondays off. Fun times with friends up ahead, for sure.

Fun times in Dallas up ahead in general. I am so excited and looking forward to life here again. I am determined to make the most of living here since I feel like I missed out so much while I was away. I want to do it all and go everywhere. Museums, parks, trails, restaurants, bars, shows, events, everything! I also want to run a 5K. Right now I have my eye on the Santa Fe Trail 5K, but October seems very far away. Pub crawls, zombie walks, Shakespeare in the Park. Fun fun fun.

Here's hoping that I keep my job and keep a positive mentality. Hoping that people and attitudes don't get the best of me. Hoping that I don't dwell on the terrible things that are said to me. Hoping that I enjoy life as if this is the best time to have the best times.

Have a fantastic day!

100 things I would like to try

This is an easy prompt because I can format it as a list and not an essay. It will still require some creativity on my part, though. One-hundred things is quite a bit to come up with! Here goes...

1. Belly dancing
2. Sewing
3. Playing an instrument
4. Gardening
5. Photography
6. Painting
7. Tandem bicycling
8. Building a sandcastle
9. Ride the world's tallest roller coaster
10. Running a 5K
11. Learning to skate backwards
12. Renewing old furniture
13. SXSW
14. Fun Fun Fun Fest
15. Meet Glen Hansard
16. Meet Frank Turner
17. Crashing a wedding
18. Win an award
19. Master the French language
20. Save more animals
21. Cook a full-course meal
22. Go to every vegan restaurant near me
23. Run around White Rock Lake
24. Get my boyfriend into running
25. Get my boyfriend into ANY type of exercise
26. Help my loved ones make healthy choices
27. Creative writing
28. Go to all the museums near me
29. Building something
30. Create a closet worthy of envy
31. Become better at dealing with heartbreak
32. Avoid heartbreak
33. Be a better daughter, sister, girlfriend, cousin, friend, etc.
34. Remaining humble
35. Plan a cheap but pretty wedding
36. Vegetarian sushi
37. Get accepted again
38. French-braid my own hair
39. Having a healthy sleep schedule
40. Eat lots of fruits and veggies every day
41. Wearing contacts
42. A good, consistent workout regime
43. New mix-n-match outfits
44. Staying in love with life
45. Keeping my head up
46. Be a better listener
47. Don't allow myself to be hurt so easily
48. Don't allow bitter, angry, envious, drunken words to hurt me
49. Learn the choreography to... something
50. Staying in touch with people who matter to me
51. Be retweeted by someone I admire (besides Bryce Avary... done that)
52. Learn to make Mom's awesome enchiladas
53. Learn to make Mom's awesome arroz
54. Parasailing (if that's what it's called)
55. Jet-skiing
56. Make the most baddest, awesomest music playlists ever
57. Stop being such a grammar snob
58. Continue making good grammatical choices myself
59. Go to more shows
60. Save money
61. Travel
62. Explore DFW
63. Explore Texas
64. Get Dustin to meet my family in Mexico
65. Remember the Alamo
66. Discover new music
67. New hairstyles
68. New hair color
69. Be less judgmental
70. Be a better listener
71. Complain less
72. Skydiving
73. Hold as many species of animals as possible
74. Have toned abs
75. Go vegan
76. Finish Ana Karenina
77. Have a favorite author
78. Avoid getting the flu
79. Go another 14 years without vomiting
80. Maintain my weight
81. Not overwhelm myself by adopting too many animals
82. Visit Mexico more often
83. Try veggie burgers from every local restaurant that offers them
84. Get people to try being vegetarians
85. Keep an open mind
86. Always love
87. Go through a "haunted house" by myself
88. Read more books in Spanish
89. Becoming an expert bargain shopper
90. Avoid getting split ends
91. Collect more vinyl records
92. Keep my record player working
93. Remain decluttered
94. Laugh laugh laugh
95. Remember what matters
96. Listen to The Adventure Club every week
97. Like babies and children a little more
98. Spend less time on the interwebz
99. Being a forward thinker
100. Continue writing

Done. It only took me three days.

Becoming a writer

I enjoy writing, I really do. And I enjoy sharing what I write and getting feedback, which is why I blog. What I don't like is always writing about all my problems and how I'm trying oh-so-hard to fix them. That gets boring, doesn't it? That's not how I do life. Life is to be enjoyed and it isn't just about the present moment. Life is past moments and moments you look forward to experiencing. Life is good if you allow what is good to surface and fixate yourself on that rather than focusing on all that is wrong.

In an effort to become a bit more creative with my blog and to surface the greatness, I will be using prompts from this website and writing away. I am actually really looking forward to this and should add that this is yet another bright side. I have time to be creative again. Hooray for that! :)